Out Loud in my Head

Let Your Little Light Shine

2012-01-10T21:49:00.000-05:00

Photo by Scott Carver

The moon was phenomenal last night. It was big, it was full, and just beautiful. Since I don't have a clue how to take a picture of it worth showing to anyone (and of course, no camera), I borrowed a similar image from a friend.

I found myself actually hoping for a blackout, so I could see just how brightly it was shining. Then I remembered - the moon doesn't shine. It reflects it's light off the sun. Oh yeah. I'm supposed to do that too, only my light is a reflection of the Son, not the sun. The sun's light just make my skin glow and turn red. But the Son's light, it chases away the darkness and burns deep into my soul. The difference is, the Son's light can penetrate so deeply within me that I begin to shine as well. I guess this kind of a Son burn is good for you.

Sometimes, in the daylight the moon is still visible, but it never shines as bright as the sun. And the Son will always shine brighter that those He is reflecting off of. We have to remember that when we think our own light is shining. We don't have our own light. We are full of darkness until the light of the Son comes in. So sit in the light of the Son for a while, and then go out and shine!

Almost there...

2011-12-30T19:19:00.000-05:00

Moses fascinates me. Here's this guy who, by a strange set of circumstances, is watching his own people being mistreated as slaves in Egypt. He gets angry, kills a guy, then runs to the hills. Along comes a burning bush and turns his whole world upside down. He resists, as much as he can, the call on his life. He has a little debate with God about why he can't do what God is asking him to do. But, as usual, God wins and Moses becomes something he thought he could never be.

Fast forward a bit, and we find Moses at the end of Aaron's life, and God's telling him he's not going to make it to the Promised Land either. So what does ol' Mo do? He throws a tantrum, runs and hides in a cave and has a good old fashioned shouting match with God.

Wait... that's not right. He goes back to the Israelites and keeps leading them, knowing full well that he was not going to reap the benefits of all that time in the desert. Personally, being almost there, I think I may have opted for the shouting match.

The important thing is that we never stop...

serving...
	going...
		loving...
			growing...
				discovering...
					helping...
						giving...

Whatever it is God is calling us to do, we have to do it. And then, we have to keep doing it. Even if we think it's not going to turn out as we had planned.

Especially when we think it's not going to turn out as we had planned.

Only with God: Angels

2011-12-24T22:00:00.000-05:00

An angel appeared to Mary.
An angel appeared to Joseph.
An angel appeared to shepherds.
And again to Joseph.

Each time, "don't be afraid" were among the first words spoken.

"Give glory to God in heaven, and on earth let there be peace among the people who please God." Luke 2:14

Sometimes you can read a passage a hundred times and miss something all together. I don't know if I've read the Christmas story a hundred times, but I've heard and read it a lot. And guess what? I still don't completely get it. Seems every year something new jumps off the page, keeping the Word of God alive. Have you read it lately? Go ahead. Read it. I'll wait here for you.

What struck me today as I read of the encounter between the angel, the heavenly host (or as some translations say, an angelic choir, many other angels, the armies of heaven) and the shepherds. Peace on earth for those who please God. I realize not every translation reads that way, but what a great reminder of how we should live. Want peace? Live your life to please him. How do we do that?

Only with God...

Only With God: Magi

2011-12-24T21:00:00.000-05:00

Where does a new star that appears in the sky come from?

How does it seem to move, beckoning those who see it to follow?
Why would men, sometimes referred to as wise, actually choose to follow it?

Only with God...

Only with God: Shepherds

2011-12-24T20:00:00.000-05:00

Shepherds doing what shepherds do. Minding their own business, really. When what to their wondering eyes should appear? Angels, of course, bringing good news - the gospel - to those who the world called the least worthy to be in the presence of royalty. Sent not to a palace, but to a lowly manger in a cave in Bethlehem to meet the King of kings and the Lord of lords. How would anyone believe it was true?

Only with God...

Only With God: Jesus

2011-12-24T19:00:00.000-05:00

A Mighty Eternal King?

Born to a virgin in a damp dark cave?

The one prophesied about, who will be called

Wonderful Counselor?

Mighty God?

Everlasting Father?

Prince of Peace?

How can He save us all?

Only with God...

Only With God: Joseph

2011-12-24T18:00:00.000-05:00

Joseph was an honorable man. He trusted God and was honored his promise to Mary. Most men wouldn't have done that. Why did he?

Only with God...

Only With God: Mary

2011-12-24T17:00:00.000-05:00

Mary asked, "how can this be?"

Only with God...

The Reason for the Season

2011-12-18T20:46:00.001-05:00

Jesus. He's the reason we celebrate. Or, at least that's what we say, sometimes to make ourselves feel better. I can say that because I've done it.

I've been observing a lot of people lately. (No, I'm not a stalker, just and observer. Hmm... I'm really not sure what the difference is, other than maybe the intent behind it. My intent is to learn, not to invade, so I think I'm OK.) Some are people I know and others are strangers in the store or in the post office or at the mall. I wonder as I watch them if they really get it. They throw the Jesus is the Reason in the middle of a conversation about stress, anxiety, not enough time, not enough money, stress, resentment, anger, stress. You get the idea.
So I want to ask them...

Is Jesus the reason for the season when you are going in to debt buying gifts you can't afford?

Is Jesus the reason for the season while you stay up all night worrying about Aunt Belinda and whether or not she's going to like the sweater you bought her of if she'll know you bought it on sale?

Is Jesus the reason for the season when you have to buy the latest gadget for your kids because everyone else has one?

Is Jesus the reason for the season when you get depressed about spending another Christmas alone?

Is Jesus the reason for the season when are yelling at the checkout person at Walmart because they don't have the DVD you want?

Is Jesus the reason for the season when you're screaming at your kids because they have hit that last nerve?

Is Jesus the reason for the season while you are resenting the fact that no one is helping you decorate the house so it looks just perfect for your guests?

Is Jesus the reason for the season when you are too busy to slow down and worship Him?

Don't get me wrong here. There's nothing wrong with buying gifts (and getting a good deal), decorating, celebrating with family and friends. After all, we are called to be givers and we have been given so much. I just think we tend to separate the two too often. We should be allowing Jesus into those parts of our lives that stress us out so much during this season, and let Him guide us to the perfect gift... Himself. Then, everything else will just work out the way it works out and it will be OK.

What is your real reason for the season? And don't answer with words, answer with your actions. But don't tell me, tell Him. Tell Him that He's more important than all that other stuff, run after him instead of the greatest sale. And after you tell Him, show Him. It's not too late to simplify this Christmas.

Love came down. Take a minute to wrap your head around that and then respond.

If you have a minute, check out this great post from my beautiful and favorite niece, Ali. She gets it and inspires me to love better.

Merry Holidays

2011-12-02T20:02:00.000-05:00

I saw this billboard the other day. After doing a little search, it's not a new billboard but I had never seen this particular one.

At first, I was like, hey - cool billboard. But then those thoughts started running around in my head. Questions like...

Does Jesus really care how I greet people this time of year? Yes! Isn't he more concerned about how I treat people? Yes! Do the words "Merry Christmas" appear in the Bible... anywhere? No!

I understand that it's important to keep Christ at the center of our celebrations this season, but shouldn't Christ be in the midst of everything we do, every day of the year?

I find it interesting the number of people I have heard or seen on Facebook who are complaining and sometimes even swearing because they have to say Happy Holidays at their workplace (though retail stores that have adapted this are often playing Christmas music and selling Christmas items, so I find it a little funny, but that's another post for another time). If we really are concerned about keeping Christ in the midst of the season, shouldn't we be responding in love? I think we can keep Christ in Christmas by reflecting His heart, mirroring His attitude, showing His love, and obeying His commands.

Rather than fighting to keep the words Merry Christmas, maybe we should be spending time in the Word aligning our hearts with His. For a lot of people, this time of year is very busy and quiet time with God can get easily pushed aside. Maybe what that billboard should say is, "I miss hearing you." ~Jesus

He wants to hear from us. He wants us to hear His voice. We can't do that if we're so busy trying to say Merry Christmas louder and louder until it drowns out the rest of the greetings. So slow down a little bit. Spend some time reflecting on His miraculous birth, but don't stop there. Remember why He came. Pray - He wants to hear from you today. And every day.

Happy Holidays.

Plug Your Nose...

2011-05-03T13:40:00.007-04:00

I saw the specialist for my hearing yesterday.

It doesn't appear that I have any permanent hearing loss. Basically, I have a bunch of fluid and air backed up behind my right ear drum. He said the likelihood that there is any nerve damage in addition to the fluid build up is very very low, so we'll wait for the fluid to drain and if I'm still having trouble, I should go back and he will look for nerve damage. I don't expect to ever see him again.

As far as treatment goes, he said I could use some nasal spray or take a decongestant, but also said, and this was my favorite part, that he's not a fan of taking medicine for something that nature will take care of on it's own. I have to agree.

His suggestion to help the fluid drain more quickly is this:

Plug your nose and blow!

(Not my best look, I know!)

I always thought that popping your ears was bad for you, but he told me I couldn't really do it too much. And I have to say... it's already much better. He said it could take 4 to 6 weeks for complete recovery, so within the next 3 weeks we should know for sure. I have no doubt that God is performing miracle #... uhh... I've lost count. He's so good.

Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

-Isaiah 58 :8-9

The "Perfect Storm"

2011-04-20T19:10:00.001-04:00

As promised, here are some answers to some frequently asked questions.

What exactly did I have?

Pneumococcal Bacterial Meningitis - a very resistant strain, I'm told.

How did I get it?

There really isn't a definitive answer to this question, but almost everyone carries this bacteria in their nose/throat. If you are in situations where there are a lot of people in a confined space and your immune system is compromised by something like an ear infection, sinus infection, or you are overly tired, your body doesn't fight the bacteria like it normally would. It is very common in college students. Most likely, I was worn out from all the walking and lack of sleep, and also coming down with something. Most likely I contracted it in the hospital in Romania. Basically, it was the "perfect storm".

What do I remember?

I was not feeling well the night before we left. My right ear was plugged and I was praying for it to clear up because having any part of your head plugged on a plane is not fun. I didn't get much sleep that night (none of us did) and it was still bothering me as we loaded to go to the airport. I had a slight headache which I figured had to do with the lack of sleep - which is a common symptom for me.

When we got to the airport Tuesday morning, the headache was worse, and my neck was hurting, which I thought had to do with sleeping on the way to the airport. I tried some caffeine and some ibuprofen, but neither seemed to work. Tried some peppermint oil once we were at the gate waiting to board, but that also didn't work.

I remember getting on the plane and being in a row by myself. When the seat belt light went off, I slid over and put my feet up on the seats and went to sleep. I remember food being served and being asked to sit up for landing. Things start to get blurry here. I remember one of the team talking to me and me trying to answer but I couldn't. I remember finally being able to get across the aisle to her, and not being able to move very well. I remember the flight crew NOT helping at all, but wanting us off the plane. I remember getting off the plane to the outside (not in the terminal). I know people were asking me questions and I knew the answers but I couldn't form the words.

Then, I remember nothing until what I think was the next day in the hospital, although time was a bit off for me for the first 48 hours or so.

Did anyone else get sick?

Thankfully, no. This isn't the kind of disease you can just get from each other. The conditions have to be exact. Once they knew which strain I had (from a lumbar puncture), the rest of the team knew they didn't have it if they didn't have a fever.

Was I scared?

No. Not that I remember anyway. I could have been scared that first day, but I really don't remember. I knew that I wasn't alone - that God was with me and that He didn't send me to Romania to change the world just so I could be lost in some hospital in France.

What else do you remember?

I remember seeing Chad and Ali come to see me and wanting to talk to them so badly, but unable to speak the words I wanted to. I remember sleeping and waking up so many times, that by the time I was able to talk to them I asked them what day it was, thinking I had been there for about a week, when it had only been a couple of days. Time moved so slowly.

I remember being tied down, and being so frustrated with that. I remember at one point just crying and the nurse looking at me, and just turning out the light and leaving me alone in the room.

One of the doctors asked if I knew where I was and I said hospital. They asked was country and I knew I was in Paris, but I couldn't remember if it was France or French. I think I said French. I think he laughed.

I don't remember the first lumbar puncture, but the second one was quite memorable. They had me sitting up (even though I wasn't strong enough to do so). I was leaning on a pillow and they realized that wasn't enough so they had me hold on to a nurse. All was going well until the nurse passed out! I think I squeezed her too hard.

I remember a severe headache and neck ache.

By Thursday, Ali and Chad brought me my Bible and a book and a notepad. I was feeling so much better and able to answer and ask questions. I was so thankful they were there with me. I don't know what I would have done without them.

What was God teaching me?

This one I'm still working on. I kept holding on to certain promises and going back to them in the Bible and reading and re-reading.

God calls all of us to the same thing: The Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God. ~ Micah 6:8

He promises to be with us:

Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
I have called you by name; you are mine.
When you go through deep waters,
I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
you will not be burned up;
the flames will not consume you.
For I am the Lord, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. ~ Isaiah 43:1-3

He promises to hear us when we are obedient:

Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?
Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter-when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I. ~ Isaiah 58:6-9

He works everything out:
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. ~ Romans 8:28

During my third lumbar puncture, I remember just thanking God for sending Jesus to die for me. I was in the hospital for 2 weeks, and I was in a lot of pain for much of that time, but it was nothing compared to what Jesus suffered for me, for you, for the world. A couple of times they hit a nerve or something and my legs kicked out involuntarily. I wondered how many times that happened to Him as he was being beaten and crucified. I am so thankful.

Why did this happen?

A great question to which there may not be an answer for a long time. I kept thinking about Paul, and all that he went through for the Kingdom: shipwrecks, snake bites, beatings, stonings, imprisonment - but nothing would stop him. He knew what he was called to do and he just kept doing it, despite the opposition. I want to live my life like that.

Some of the doctors have told me I was just "lucky". Not a word I would use to describe it, but I get what they are saying. I really was just part of the perfect storm - the conditions were "right".

Will I go again?

This is a tough question to answer. I don't specifically feel called to Romania, but not because I got sick there. The experience there was amazing, and it really opened my eyes to the needs of orphans in the world. I don't know what it looks like yet, but I know God is leading me to serve in this area in some way.

How am I now?

I went to the doctor the day after I got back. She sent me to an Infectious Disease doctor the following morning. He said I was treated properly and that I don't need any more treatment for the Meningitis and didn't need to see him again at all. The next morning, I woke up with a rash all over my body - and it was itchy. Went back to my doctor first thing and while I was there got really weak and my blood pressure was very low. She sent me to the ER. By the time I got there, my BP was normal and I was feeling much better. They gave me IV fluids and steroids and Benedryl for the rash. I was there for a few hours and went home with a prescription for steroids and Benedryl. I took the last of the steroid today but I still have the rash so I'll be contacting the doctor again tomorrow to see what's up with that.

I still have some hearing loss in my right ear, but it's a lot better than it was when I left France. I see a specialist on May 2 to see if there is any permanent damage. I believe that I will be completely healed of that too.

That's a lot of information for one post - sorry about that. Feel free to ask any other questions I may have missed. I'm getting stronger every day. God really is the God of miracles.

A Quick and Thankful Update

2011-04-16T18:42:00.002-04:00

I know you've been waiting for an update. I really have wanted to write but I've had some road blocks since I've been home. This will just be a quick update, since my creativity isn't quite back to where it was. First, I'd like to thank everyone for all the thoughts, prayers, cards, and donations. I have felt so loved over the last few weeks - it has been overwhelming. God has been so faithful, which really is no surprise. That's who He is. I have so much to be thankful for. Right now, I'm glad to be home and to have my sister and her husband living with me. This would be so much more difficult if I were alone. A lot of people have been asking questions, and I'll post an update with a lot of those answers soon. Yesterday, I had a relapse of the allergic reaction I had in France, only this time it's SO itchy. I now have steroids and Benedryl to take and the Benedryl is making me too sleepy to concentrate for very long. I just wanted to let you know I'm back and hope to start writing again very soon. Again, through it all, God has been with me and so faithful to answer the prayers of his people. The more I learn about my condition while I was there, the more I know God's healing hand was on me. For that, I am truly thankful.

To Be Continued...

2011-03-28T12:19:00.003-04:00

Just left the babies for the last time.

... left them in the mighty hands of their Creator. God bless you, little ones.

Never Alone

2011-03-27T15:00:00.000-04:00

I wrote this yesterday morning, the day after my hardest day here. As I struggled to keep up with the team on our outing, a man walked by, pointed at me, laughed and said (in very good English) "last in line".

I could see my team up ahead - they were so close and yet so far away. I knew if I could just reach them I'd be ok, but as hard as I tried, I couldn't get to them. For a moment I gave up.

In that moment, God reminded me that the babies here are somewhat last in line. They know that help is just out of reach. If they could just reach out enough, love would come to them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I see you little one
I know you are crying
I long for the day that you'll soar like an eagle

You're never alone
I'm right by your side
I've not forgotten the heartache that dwells deep inside you

You may not understand why some of the people come and go -
All those faces you may never see again

But they held you with My arms
and comforted you with My words
and loved you with My heart
and sang to you My song
I sent them to do those things and more

They won't always get it right but they'll do all that they can while they are with you
They came to help you along your way

Your road ahead will be hard at times
Your burden will feel like such a heavy load to carry
but My way is easy,
and My burden is light
I will trade My load for yours any day.

You can't ask on your own quite yet, but that one that's holding you has already asked on your behalf, and I've heard their cries for mercy.

That feeling you have when someone holds you and you smile and giggle and they smile and giggle back and hold you close and kiss your head? That's what love is.

Learn from the love they are showing you.
Accept their love.
Let them be Me to you.
One day, because of the love they have shown you, I will hug you and kiss you Myself.

For now, they are My hands and feet,
My arms and My voice.

Know these things...

You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in My book.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me.
I am not distant and angry; I am the complete expression of love, and it is My desire to love you like crazy.
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could, for I am the perfect Father.
Every good gift that you receive comes from My hand, for I am your provider and I meet all your needs.
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope because I love you with an everlasting love and I rejoice over you with singing.
I will never stop doing good to you for you are My treasured possession.
I want to show you great and marvelous things.
If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me.
Delight in me, and I will give you the desires of your heart for it is I who gave you those desires.
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine for I am your greatest encourager.

So tonight, little one, when it's dark and you can't see anything remember that I am there with you.

When you cry in the dark, I am there
When you're scared of the dark, I am there
When you feel lost in the dark, I am there

I will be your Comfort
your Friend
your Savior
your Healer
From now until the end of time

Don't be afraid My child...
for you are never alone.

Least of These

2011-03-25T18:30:00.000-04:00

(I'm not sure why this posted before it was finished. Sorry if you got this twice.)

Today was the hardest all around for me so far. The emotion of where we are and what we are doing hit me while we were walking around between shifts at the hospital.

We left the hospital around 12:30 and headed around town, by the black church, then up to the gondola that would take us to top of a mountain (sort of). While the journey to get there was hard and seemed to take forever on foot, the view was spectacular.

We did have an interesting conversation with a doctor today. She was completely amazed that people would come to Romania from America for only a week. She said that Romanians don't have any sense of volunteerism. I'll add a "yet" to that sentence for her. We have already met some people here who think what we are doing at the hospital is a great thing, and there are a couple of volunteers from the area.

The hospital was hard today. I spent a little extra time with the babies this afternoon while a few of the girls went to feed the newborns. One of the things I love to do is to bless someone secretly, so they don't know who or where the blessing came from. This is true with the babies. I knew this going in but I didn't know how much it would affect me. Each baby I hold or feed or change or play with will not remember me when I leave, but they are forever in my heart. Next week, some new strangers will come to hold and feed and change and play with them. I wonder what goes on in the minds of these little ones. As I tried to comfort a baby today with an IV in and his arm with a splint-type thing on it that was tied to the bed while he had a fever and I couldn't pick him up, my heart broke yet again for him. The IV was basically for dehydration, with no medicine in it really. He was so unhappy and just wanted out of that bed. All I could do was pray and cry.

"When he finally arrives, blazing in beauty and all his angels with him, the Son of Man will take his place on his glorious throne. Then all the nations will be arranged before him and he will sort the people out, much as a shepherd sorts out sheep and goats, putting sheep to his right and goats to his left.
"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Enter, you who are blessed by my Father! Take what's coming to you in this kingdom. It's been ready for you since the world's foundation. And here's why:

I was hungry and you fed me,
I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,
I was homeless and you gave me a room,
I was shivering and you gave me clothes,
I was sick and you stopped to visit,
I was in prison and you came to me.'
"Then those 'sheep' are going to say, 'Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?' Then the King will say, 'I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.'

Romania update

2011-03-25T02:05:00.000-04:00

We've had a couple of pretty amazing days. I think today is Friday, but I've really lost all sense of time here. What seems like hours is only moments and what goes by so fast has been hours.

We started working on the baby closet - it's really coming along. Bins are getting full, with lots of extra to go to the homeless shelters.

Firm Foundations does so much more than hold babies: diapers, teen programs, mom's programs, family sponsors, clothes, shoes, homeless shelters, and I'm sure I missed many other things. Every day we are learning more and more about sacrifice.

Many people told me how great it was that I would sacrifice to come here. This isn't a sacrifice, this is a blessing. I'm not sure how people do it without the hope of Jesus. Each time I learn a baby's story, my heart breaks a little more. I'm not exactly sure how it's still beating with it being in so many pieces, other than I know God has plans for each one of them. It would be easy to get stuck in the "why, God, why?" mindset, but I'd miss out on what God is doing here.

The staff and long term volunteers have pretty much given up everything they know to be here, and not all of them know Jesus. My prayer is that as they change the lives of these little ones, that they find their lives changed for eternity.

The hospital is better than I thought it would be, but it's still not what we're used to back home. The babies are in whatever pjs are around, many stained or with holes. They get 4 diapers a day, and are changed on a schedule.

Yesterday I held a baby for a long time, then the nurse came in to give him a breathing treatment. Because of the language barrier, there was a lot of pointing and talking and before I knew it, I had this breathing mask, which was quite obviously made for an adult, my hands and arms all placed in specific places, and one very, very unhappy little boy in my arms. He fought and fought and I just kept telling him it was good for him and singing softlyl to him and praying that God would heal his sickness (I'm not sure what it is) and give him peace. He did eventually relax and go to sleep.

We don't know the names of many of the babies or why they are there or if they will stay indefinitely or if someone is coming for them, though the FF staff do know some of their stories. Many babies aren't sick but are just left there. Regardless of the reason, they need to be touched, kissed, played with, talked to, but most of all, loved.

For I desire mercy and not sacrifice, and the
knowledge of God more than
burnt offerings.
Hosea 6:6

Oh, Those Babies!

2011-03-22T18:30:00.000-04:00

I apologize for any typos. When I spell check, it knows I'm in Romania and it thinks every word on the page is spelled wrong.

End of Day one.

We finally got to see the babies this afternoon!

We met the ladies who started Firm Foundations as well as most of the staff - who are all amazing, of course. Stopped to eat at a German bakery then went on to the hospital. We are getting plenty of exercise while we're here!

Monday there were only a few babies there. Today, there were about 14 (I think). Some of them were sick. Others were not. I got to play with one named Roxie (is that spelled right?). She was spunky, strong, and loved to throw every toy I gave her on the floor. Fun times. Most of the group was on a different floor and after a while Vivian and I met up with the others. They were all in a big room with lots of babies, and Vivian and I went to a different room with one of the supervisors and 3 more babies. The baby I held was so sweet, and when I looked into his eyes I could see compassion coming from him. He was very upset when the other babies cried. He has a big beautiful bald head, so I called him Harry. I'm not sure what his actual name is, but it seemed to suit him. I'm told he's a twin, but the other one wasn't there.

Time went too quickly and I didn't want to leave. But we got to see the place where we will be setting up the baby closet in the hospital. It's bigger than we imagined (still just a closet size). Tomorrow we'll buy supplies and start organizing. They have a lot of donated items already, and there really isn't any way to find what is needed when it's needed.

Can't wait to go back in the morning, and in the afternoon we get to meet the teenage girls they minister to, shine some light into their lives and Ali will be trimming and styling their hair. They will also be making pretzels, which seem to be very popular here. Should be lots of fun.

Leaving crying little ones, knowing that no one is coming to hold them can really break you. The only thing that let's me walk out the doors is knowing they are in God's loving, strong, and comforting care and He loves them best.

We're Here!

2011-03-22T03:50:00.002-04:00

We arrived in Bucharest last night around 7:20 and took a long, and at time scary, drive to Brosov to be greeted with great big smiles and even bigger hugs from Alisha, who is not only our host at Better Than a Hostel (where we are staying), but is also a missionary from the Freedom Center back in Michigan. Got a great workout walking down all those stairs with the luggage, thinking THIS must be why they limit the weight to 50 lbs.

We didn't get to see much of Romania because it was so dark (they don't "Spring Forward" here until this weekend). Today we'll go out to town for food, then on to meet the babies and I think see where we will set up the Baby Closet.

Not much to report on yet, but I know there will be lots to say as the days go on. I know God has prepared the way for us to be here today. Let's get this day started and see what he has planned.

Bonjour, Paris! Au revoir Paris!

2011-03-21T09:32:00.003-04:00

We made it to Paris - an uneventful flight. However, I've lost my camera so there will not be many photos posted from me. God is faithful, and I trust he will take care of the situation. We did have an adventure in the airport trying to get it back though. So thankful for traveling with grace-filled people.

We're about to board our flight to Bucharest but I wanted to let you know we're safe so far. More updates will follow.

Au revoir!

Michigan today, Romania tomorrow!

2011-03-20T06:45:00.000-04:00

Today is the day. I'll be boarding a plane that will take me to Paris, then another plane that will take me to Bucharest. From there, I will travel to Brasov where I will spend the next week(ish) working with Firm Foundations at Children's Hospital in Brasov.

People keep asking me if I'm nervous. I can honestly say there isn't shed of nervousness in me right now. Why?

I'm traveling with an amazing group of people.
I get to go love on babies and the people who serve them every day.
I get to be Jesus to every person I come in contact with, in Romania and all along the way (though this is true every day).
I know God planned every detail and He's got it all figured out.
We're taking the Baby Closet international!
I'm traveling with an amazing group of people! I know, I know... I already said that, but it's so true.

We leave late tonight, and arrive tomorrow evening at our final destination. The journey to where God is taking us is long, but as with every charge from him, the journey is part of the adventure. I can't wait to see what he has in store for us!

And So It Continues

2010-12-26T15:10:00.001-05:00

I don't know about you, but I heard a lot more stories about generosity this Christmas season than in years past. I think people have a greater appreciation for what they have, and a greater idea of those around them who have less - at least I'd like to think that.

My first thought when I woke up this morning was, OK... now what? Many people were given a special gift to help make their Christmas special, especially for the kids. But what about today? What about tomorrow? The same person who couldn't afford coats for their kids for yesterday may not be able to afford food today. The same person who wanted to bless their child with a toy to keep the magic of Christmas alive is the same person who can't supply their family with the basic necessities this week and next.

Just because Christmas is over, doesn't mean we can stop loving, stop giving, stop sharing, or stop caring. Keep your eyes, ears and hearts open and allow God to lead you to those in need.

Happy Christmas (Eve)

2010-12-24T10:05:00.000-05:00

So this is Christmas Eve

And what's left to be done

Family's coming over

And the stockings are hung

And so this is Christmas Eve

I know we'll have fun

with the near and the dear ones

And carols to be sung.

Almost ready for Christmas

And then happy New Year

I'm ready to nap now.

But the family will be here.

So this is Christmas Eve

Have we forgotten anyone?

Oh... the one in the manger...

Have we left out the Son?

If it wasn't for Christmas

Jesus wouldn't be near

We'd still need a Savior

And all live in fear

But He came from heaven

and with his humble birth

God's plan was unfolding

to bring peace on earth

And so this is Christmas Eve

I hope you have fun

With near and the dear ones

the old and the young

A very merry Christmas

And a happy new year

Let's make it a good one

'Cause Jesus is near

New Day

2010-11-20T18:03:00.006-05:00

Earlier this week, I was driving to work and enjoying God's kaleidoscope of colors in the sky. The combination of color and clouds made for quite a show. It was pink, then it was orange, then it was yellow. The sunrise was truly amazing. Pictures wouldn't do it justice. It's always a pick-me-up when God shows off in nature.

The next morning, the cloud formations were a bit different, so I prepared myself to be wowed again. I drove and I waited...

And I waited...

And I waited....

Nothin.

Nada.

Zip.

Zilch.

No colors in the sky.

No amazing light show.

No "Wow, do it again" moments.

Then it dawned on me (pun intended). The sky was white.... like a blank canvas, waiting for the Artist to begin another masterpiece. But God was waiting on me to join Him in the day before he would reveal to me what the day would hold.

Each morning is a chance for newness. A new day. A fresh start. New mercy. New grace. New compassion. New love. And a new chance to love the people put in my path to extend to them new mercy, new grace, and new compassion.

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23

A Basket of Fruit

2010-11-04T09:00:00.001-04:00

I've been thinking a lot about fruit lately. Probably because it's fall, and I think I've eaten more apples this year than in the last 10 years combined. And since we talked about self-control in life group last night and it is a fruit of the Spirit, I thought I'd get some of these ideas out of my head.

From Galatians, we know that the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. A few things happen when a tree/vine produces fruit:

The fruit is evidence the tree is alive.
When the tree has no fruit, no one can eat it.
The fruit is not for the tree, but for the benefit of someone/something else. An apple on the tree doesn't do anyone any good, but once it is picked, it is good for the consumer.
The tree has no knowledge of what happens to the fruit once it's removed. Even if the fruit falls on the ground, it nourishes the soil as it breaks down.
The process of growing the fruit makes the tree stronger and helps it grow.
The fruit becomes rotten if it remains on the tree too long.

I'm sure there are others, but I'm not a fruit-ologist.

So how do we relate to fruit trees?

When we show the fruit, it's evidence that Jesus is alive in us!
We can't give away what we don't have. Unlike trees (in this part of the world anyway), the fruit of the Spirit isn't seasonal!
If we get all the love, joy, peace, etc from the Father, it's to benefit others. We are to share the fruit to nourish and strengthen each other!
Sometimes, we love people, and don't receive anything back (like it just falls to the ground). But the purpose of receiving love (or any other fruit) is to give love - we can't control what anyone else does with it.
Our love grows stronger the more we give it away.But love doesn't come easily. The process of learning to love is an amazing journey. If we don't continue to learn to love "better", our love becomes weak.
If we keep the fruit of the Spirit locked up inside us, we can become complacent, stale, and rotten.

I have many things in drawers, closets, the basement and the garage that were gifts given to me that I will never use, but don't give or throw away because I'm afraid of hurting the giver's feelings. God is the one giver that doesn't want us to keep what he gives us to ourselves. We have been given the fruit of the Spirit as a gift - and the more we give away, the more we seem to have.

So go ahead - give away a whole basket full of fruit today. Don't worry - there's more where it came from. Besides, who wants rotten fruit in their closet?

Joyful Delight

2010-08-29T17:55:00.000-04:00

It's amazing how something so simple can turn a day around completely. I was out one day last week and went to a drive thru to get something to drink. I was waiting to place my order when I noticed a butterfly flitting about in front of my car. I watched as it flew around and went over by the other drive thru lane.

As it was dancing around, I noticed this woman in the other lane. She was looking like I felt - kind of blah and not really feeling much of anything - just kind of existing in the moment. Then, she noticed the butterfly. It's hard to describe the expression on her face with any other word than delight.

It was like watching a child experience something wonderful for the first time - like a butterfly. Her eyes lit up. Her entire face changed. And she was grinning from ear to ear (though it's hard to see in this picture).

In that moment, I could sense God's delight for her. I don't know what her day was like. Maybe she was having a great day, maybe she just lost a friend. Who knows? But I do know this - despite her circumstances, God delighted in her as she delighted in His creation.

Can you image God's delight if she had jumped out of her car and started dancing with that butterfly (which you can't see in this picture - in case you've been searching for it)? Imagine His delight when we worship Him fully, with everything, like that butterfly. To dance around, delighted to be who we were created to be, without hesitation or fear.

God delights in us as we delight in Him. I'm not sure I understood what that meant until I saw a woman notice a butterfly.

Praise the Lord!
Sing to the Lord a new song.
Sing his praises in the assembly of the faithful.
Praise his name with dancing, accompanied by tambourine and harp.
For the Lord delights in his people; he crowns the humble with victory.
Psalm 149:1-4 NLT

Never Again...

2010-08-04T19:40:00.002-04:00

Every once in a while, these negative thoughts creep in, so I've started keeping track of those thoughts, and taking them captive with the Truth. Kinda like this:

Never again will I call myself a failure because...

God has started something in me, a good work, and promises to complete it. (Philippians 1:6)
I can do all things through Christ's strength and power. (Philippians 4:13)
I can do even greater things than He. (John 14:12)
I am the head, not the tail (Deuteronomy 28:13)

Never again will I be lonely because...

God is with me (Isaiah 43:2)
God is with me (Joshua 1:9)
God is with me (Matthew 28:20)

Never again will I be defeated because...

I have the Greater One living in me (1 John 4:4)
I was created to do His work (Ephesians 2:10)
I am more than a conqueror (Romans 8:37-39)

Never again will I feel unloved because...

His love is everlasting (Psalm 103:7, Jeremiah 31:3)
His love endures forever (Psalm 136)
He loves me (John 15:13, 1 John 3:16, John 3:16)

Never again will I be in need because...

I am complete in Him (Colossians 2:10)
He will provide for my needs (2 Corinthians 9:10)

Never again will my past control me because...

He has taken away the past and replaced it with something new, something better (2 Corinthians 5:17)
Every day is a new beginning (Lamentations 3:22-23)

What about you - what thoughts do you need to say never again to?

Was It Enough?

2010-07-09T19:45:00.001-04:00

It's a question I keep coming back to, especially when I think I'm having the worst day.

Were the nails and the spear in My side
Not quite enough to provide
The victory you need in your life? -Jill Pacquette, Come to Me

No matter what you are going through, whatever pain you are feeling, what mountain is in your way or who your adversaries are, you have victory if you have a life surrendered to Jesus. The victory may not look like you expect, it's really better than you can imagine.

But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Corinthians 15:57

With God we will gain the victory, and he will trample down our enemies. Psalm 60:12

What more could He have done? His sacrifice - I'd say it's more than enough.

Leftovers... Yuck!

2010-05-28T21:13:00.000-04:00

I don't like leftovers. I don't know whether it's that I don't like to eat the same thing over and over, or that reheated food just doesn't taste like the fresh (there are a few exceptions to this rule and the leftovers are actually better - like chili), or that we used to have leftover meals where all the different types of leftovers came out of the fridge. Maybe it's all of those reasons.

I also don't like people leftovers. You know... the people who only call when there is absolutely nothing better to do and no one else to talk to. That may be an exaggeration, but sometimes it can feel that way. I think there is a balance. I don't expect to be put in first place in anyone's life. And I don't think it's wrong to give left overs from last night, if that's all there is. But sometimes, it would be nice to be invited to the party.

This happened to me recently, and it really made me take a look at the way I interact with the people I care about. Do I save the best parts of me for me and give others what's left over? Or do I spend the best of my time and energy on loving others?

Of course, we should be giving our best to God first, expecting nothing in return. Then, He replenishes our supply so we can give to others. I wish I could say I have this part down, but I don't...

I wonder how God feels about the leftovers I serve Him?

That's a Four-Letter Word!

2010-05-02T21:30:00.001-04:00

I want to talk about a word that keeps creeping into my conversations way too often. I use it myself, so I'm not judging anyone. This word, though it may seem harmless - may even seem life giving, life affirming or just make you feel good. But it's not always taken that way.

That word is love. We love our cars, we love our clothes, we love certain foods, we love our favorite sports teams, we love our families, we love celebrities, we love our homes, our pets, our phones. The problem is, when we try to tell someone that God loves them, they have no idea what that means.

For some, the only person who ever loved them was their dad, and he left, so they believe Love abandons.

For others, their mom tells them she loves them but doesn't make it to any of their ball games even though she promises every time. To them, Love disappoints.

For some, their friends say they love them, but then gossip about them, so Love betrays.

Some know love to be the one who comes to them in the middle of the night, leaving them feeling hurt, alone, dirty and scared. They don't understand why love harms.

Others have heard they are loved only when they get good grades or do their chores. They believe love is conditional.

Some people have only known others to love them when they need a favor. Love uses them.

The list of distortion of the word goes on and on. But love is so much different than that. The Bible teaches us God loves us, but until we actually experience that love, they are just words on a page. Telling someone who has a distorted view of love that God loves them, is like telling them who won the ball game last night. It may sound interesting, but it doesn't really change them.

God is pretty clear that we are to love him with all of our being. He's also pretty clear we are to love people. And he didn't tell us to just say the words "I love you", but he gives us examples of how we can love each other. We need to be patient and kind, forgiving and humble, willing to put others first and forget about our own desires. Love is not simply an emotion, but is a motion.

And there are people around us that need to know what love really is. It's not about stuff, or the current trend, or the latest boy or girl friend. It's about God, our Creator, who made us for himself, loving us so much that he sent his Son to live in this broken world, to be broken for us so that we can be restored to the relationship God intended for us to have with him. Love means nothing without knowing what Jesus did for us. Without that, it's just an empty word that gets thrown around way too much. God sent... Jesus died... those are action words, not emotions.

So today, be the example of love that someone else needs... they won't know what hit them.

Puzzled

2010-03-31T21:42:00.001-04:00

"The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful,
a puzzle that no one can figure out.
But I, God, search the heart
and examine the mind.
I get to the heart of the human.
I get to the root of things.
I treat them as they really are,
not as they pretend to be."
God, pick up the pieces.
Put me back together again.
You are my praise!
Jeremiah 17:9-10,14

I used to love puzzles. Sorting through all the pieces to find the edges and then putting all the inside pieces together in places where they appeared to fit. We had a puzzle that came in a plain white box with black letters on it. Basically, there was no picture of what the actual finished product was supposed to look like.

That's how it is with us. A bunch of broken pieces of ourselves thrown around and mixed up with nothing in it's proper place until we meet Jesus. Then, the edges of ourselves begin to come together with only the Creator knowing what the finished product will look like. The rest of us are just blindly picking up the pieces of our lives and trying to make them fit in places where they just don't belong.

Once in a while, a piece from someone else's puzzle gets dropped into our pile. At first, we may not realize that the piece isn't ours - that it just doesn't fit into the picture of our lives - but we keep trying to fit it in somewhere. And once in a while, after getting all the pieces put together, you discover there are a few pieces missing, and the picture is never complete without all it's parts.

I remember sorting through (or watching someone else) a bunch of puzzles that got mixed up together. No matter how hard anyone tried, the pieces just didn't fit in the wrong puzzle.

I love that God can tell the difference between what belongs in our lives and what doesn't. He can sort through the pieces and put them all in the right places. He can even fill the empty spaces left by the missing pieces. But we have to ask him for help. He'll let us put the puzzle together ourselves and wait patiently as we struggle. Then, sometimes gently, sometimes not so gently, He will pull apart the things we forced into place and replace them, putting everything back in order, and loving us the whole time.

Working puzzles is always more fun when you have help.

Picture by Artem Chernyshevych

You Paint the Sky...

2010-03-14T15:02:00.001-04:00

Last summer I saw some of the most amazing skies. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get a good picture of any of them. Either I was driving, or I didn't have my camera, or I just couldn't get the shot like I wanted to.
I remember asking God to give me the chance to take a picture of one so I could show of his handy work. He reminded me that His reaching out to me is for me. It's His way of talking with me, one on one. His way of showing me things greater than myself.
I took the upper left photo this past week while driving to work. Just a quick snap with my phone. It's not even close to what it really looked like, but I like it anyway. Once again, I was reminded that the sky God painted was for my eyes - His way of telling me he loves me.

The photo to the right, I also took this week. No, it's not a black and white shot. It was just a gray day. The sun hasn't shown itself in a few days, and that was really starting to get to me. So I thought I'd take a quick pic with my phone and share how unfair it is that the sky has been so gloomy and the rain has been coming down and on and on and on. But once again, I was reminded by that still small voice, that God still painted the sky for me. It's just on that particular day, he chose gray paint.

He again reminded me that even when things aren't going great, and the colors I see aren't vibrant and he doesn't do things the way I want him to, He's still God. He still makes the best choices. I know so little and He knows all. What I see as trouble, or uncomfortable, or unpleasant, He sees as a way to make me grow - to make me draw near to Him - to become more and more like Him. In His eyes, the sky is just as beautiful in the second picture - maybe even more so - because He used it to change my heart, and to further transform my character to be in line with His.

Footprints

2010-03-01T23:13:00.001-05:00

It snowed last week. I know. Hard to believe, isn't it? Walking in from lunch one day I noticed all the footprints and it got me thinking. So of course, I snapped a picture with my phone.

To look at the whole picture, all I see is chaos. People going every which way on their way to an appointment or a meeting or just to get to their desk to start their day or their car on their way home. But amidst the chaos, each set of footprints is a part of someone's story. Each person has a past, a present, and a future. Each step taken was representation of that person, who in that moment chose to love or to hate, to laugh or to cry, to come or to go.

But what they couldn't choose was the fact that each step left an impact when they left it. A footprint as a reminder they were there. Even though today, as I walked that same sidewalk, the evidence of their presence is no longer there, they made a difference in that place in that moment.

That's how we are to be, as salt and light in the world. The tiniest bit of salt can change the way something tastes or melt the snow. The tiniest bit of light begins to chase away the darkness as soon as it shines. I think sometimes I get caught up in trying to make this lasting impact that will change someone's life forever. But all I can really control is this moment. I don't know what will happen in their life as soon as I walk away, hang up, or log out. I can only really make a difference right here, and right now. That's why we have to be present in every moment, and not be so worried about other things. It's too much pressure to change a life forever. Only God can do that. All I can do is listen to the Spirit, and follow His lead. Then maybe, just maybe, my own life will be changed in that moment as well.

What's going up?

2010-02-11T19:30:00.000-05:00

On my way to work this morning, I decided to do something I haven't done in a long time. I listened to a podcast. I chose North Point because Andy Stanley is one of my favorites. Of course, the podcast I selected wasn't him, but I decided to give it a chance. I realized it was John Ortberg and decided it was still a good choice. This quote stuck with me so I thought I'd share it.

Dow Jones is down, NASDAQ is down, housing values are down, consumer confidence is down, employment is down, commercial real estate is down, you wonder, is anything going up these days?

The opportunity to serve is going up
The market for hope is going up
The chance to build a life on a foundation that will endure through storms is going up

That’s true because certain fundamentals remain unchanged:
God remains sovereign

The beauty of forgiveness is still greater than the stain of sin

The Bible is still the Word of God

Prayer remains the most remarkable communication available to the human race

Love still defeats bigotry

Faith still beats despair

The greatest scandal in this sorry dark world is still the scandal of the cross

God’s mercies are still new every morning

The tomb is still empty

The church is still marching

The kingdom Jesus announced is still expanding and does not need a bail out or a stimulus package

Sometimes we forget how good God really is. How much he wants to fill us with his Living Water. How much he really loves us. The world throws all these distractions at us.

You can listen or download the entire message here. The Me I Want To Be

Saying Goodbye

2010-02-08T22:20:00.000-05:00

As far as I can tell, goodbyes are never easy. They may be good sometimes but they are never easy.

This morning I said goodbye to an old friend. We depended on each other for a long time. There were very few days we didn't spend time together - only when one of us was sick or I was out of town for work. We planned to spend our next vacation together. We traveled together. We took kids to and from church. We helped friends and family move, and even moved together once.

It's funny how we get attached to our stuff. I'm amazed at how quickly and easily it can be replaced, many times with very little thought of it again.

You may have been beat up a bit, but maybe that's why we got along. I'll miss your sun roof, your hatchback with lots of cargo space, your roof rack (even though I never used it), and I'll miss your missing mirror. Rest well, wherever you go. Goodbye old friend.

Victory!

2010-02-03T20:27:00.001-05:00

Today, I got my first letter from my Compassion kid in Uganda. His name is Victory. What a great name! His actual name is Twesigyemukama Victory. Let's all say that together. Twi.. twes... twees.. tweyseeg... uh... I think I'll stick with calling him Victory.

Part of the letter (which is a form they fill out if they are able, and he is able) is to add some drawings, which I have included here.

Here's what he wrote:

Dear my beloved friend Karen,
Praise God Thank you For choosing
me to be your Friend.
I hope God will keep us alive and our frien
dship last. God bless you.

I typed it just like he wrote it so the line break is supposed to be there. This makes perfect sense to me, but they also added a translation, which doesn't make much sense at all. Maybe one day Victory will be a translator, but right now he wants to be a mechanic.

You know, sometimes it seems like our friends are too busy or that they have forgotten us. I'm glad to know that I have a young friend in Uganda who hopes our friendship lasts. I hope so too, Victory.

Why the Love Boat Theme Song is in My Head

2010-01-08T20:57:00.001-05:00

The title of this could be either "Why the Love Boat Theme Song is in My Head" or "Road Map Through My Brain".

My head can be a scary place. Come, take a journey with me if you dare.

I woke up this morning after a somewhat restless night. I had a song in my head, which is pretty normal for when I wake up. The song was Follow You by Leeland.

That's not a bad way to wake up. Then, as I was thinking of these lyrics from the chorus:

I'll follow you into the homes that are broken.

Follow you into the world.

Meet the needs for the poor and the needy God.

Follow you into the World.

I was reminded of a conversation I had a while back with a friend from the UK. We were talking about meeting someday in real life, and how we would like to visit each other's country. She said she wanted to travel to see the world. I said I wanted to travel to change the world.

As I thought of her words, this song came into my head (are you lost yet?):

Then, I remembered an episode of The Love Boat with Ethel Merman singing the first part of that song (I can't find proof of this, but in my head, that happened). So then, of course, I started to hum the Love Boat theme song.

Welcome to my brain on little sleep.

Hard To Believe

2009-12-31T20:55:00.001-05:00

It sure is hard to believe that another year has passed. As I reflect on the past year, at first glance it appears that nothing has changed.

But looking deeper, I realize a lot has changed. I've made some amazing new friends - a couple in particular come to mind who helped me through some rough patches.

There were things I wanted to do this year that didn't happen. That's my fault mostly. I did some things I didn't expect to do (like giving up Diet Coke - it's been 10 months - and reading the entire Bible).

While it feels like my circumstances haven't changed, I know I have. I learned a lot about who I am, and a bunch about who I am not.

I'm not going to go setting some lofty goals or resolutions that won't see the light of Monday morning. Instead, I'm going to look ahead with expectation that God is going to do amazing things in, around and through me.

^18-19"Forget about what's happened;

don't keep going over old history.

Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand-new.

It's bursting out! Don't you see it?

There it is! (Isaiah 43:18-19, The Message)

It Just Doesn't Feel Like Christmas

2009-12-23T18:45:00.000-05:00

I don't know about you, but it hasn't felt like Christmas this year. I've been struggling to grasp on to the Christmas spirit, fa la la, silent night, deck the halls, and I got nothin'. No warm fuzzies, no desire to decorate or to listen to Christmas carols, much less sing them, and don't get me started on the shopping. I just don't think all that is what I should be focused on anyway.

Don't get me wrong, I don't feel like Scrooge. I don't hate Christmas or the people who celebrate it - I want to be one of them. I don't want to be stingy - I want to give and give and give. I'm not Scrooge.

And I don't feel like the Grinch. I don't want to steal Christmas from anyone. I want everyone to feel blessed and loved at Christmas. I'm not the Grinch.

I do kind of feel like Charlie Brown... searching for meaning in a time when there seems to be so many distractions. His opening lines really sounded like my own thoughts as I watched A Charlie Brown Christmas this year...

To Linus: "I think there must be something wrong with me, Linus. Christmas is coming, but I'm not happy. I don't feel the way I'm supposed to feel. I just don't understand Christmas, I guess. I like getting presents and sending Christmas cards and decorating trees and all that, but I'm still not happy. I always end up feeling depressed."

And later, to Lucy: "Actually, Lucy, my trouble is Christmas. I just don't understand it. Instead of feeling happy, I feel sort of let down."

The trees, the gifts, the food, the decorations - there's nothing wrong with these things. But they tend to get in the way of the reason we Celebrate. Somewhere along the way, we got God's priorities mixed up with our own. I'm pretty sure it happened in the garden. But a gracious, merciful God came up with a pretty bizarre plan to fix that.

Driving home today I heard a story that again, reminded me of me. All of the preparations are just getting to me. It's time to slow down, remember as Linus told us, what Christmas is about, and see Christmas through the eyes of God.

The poem, called "A Christmas Story", can be downloaded at the link below - either the text or the audio version.

“More blessed to give than to receive,
This is what My own should believe.
But give the gifts that I hold as treasure:
Love, joy, kindness…and in good measure.”

“Now remember these words at this time of year;
Don’t conform to this world and My voice you will hear.”

A Christmas Story

Just like Scrooge, the Grinch and Charlie Brown, I've had my attitude adjusted... I'm expecting great things from Him - and not worried about what anyone else thinks.

A Franciscan Benediction

2009-12-03T20:30:00.001-05:00

May God bless you with discomfort
At easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships

So that you may live deep within your heart

May God bless you with anger
At injustice, oppression and exploitation of people
So that you may work for justice, freedom and peace

May God bless you with tears
To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war
So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and
To turn their pain into joy

And may God bless you with enough foolishness
To believe that you can make a difference in the world
So that you can do what others claim cannot be done
To bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.

Something To Look Forward To

2009-12-02T22:45:00.002-05:00

Sometimes, our circumstances lead us into a place of hurt, anger, frustration, depression, sin. It's in those times we need to remember that our circumstances are temporary. This life isn't all there is - we have something to look forward to. Been thinking of that since this song came on my iPod tonight. Wish I had a link to the whole song for you to listen to.

When I See Jesus

This life I lead is good

And I know that I am blessed

At times I grow weary; I need a little rest

When the world tries to lead me further away

My faith turns me back 'cause I know one day

That when I see Jesus and He calls my name

He reaches for me - I'll never be the same

I know that my Savior is waiting for me

And I'll fall in His arms when my journey's complete

-Lisa Chan

The Noise in My Head

2009-10-23T20:08:00.003-04:00

Here's a little update of what's out loud in my head.

This morning, I woke up like this (click on the pictures to see them better):

After some time in the Word, a few encouraging conversations, and a lot of prayer, the noise changed to something beautiful:

It's not a perfect picture, because I'm not perfect. But with the right tools, what used to be clanging of pots and pans disguised as music can turn into a beautiful symphony.

Couldn't Have Said it Better Myself

2009-10-09T06:45:00.002-04:00

Give thanks to the Lord and proclaim his greatness.

Let the whole world know what he has done.

Sing to him; yes, sing his praises.

Tell everyone about his wonderful deeds.

Exult in his holy name;

rejoice, you who worship the Lord.

Search for the Lord and for his strength;

continually seek him.

Remember the wonders he has performed,

his miracles, and the rulings he has given,

you children of his servant Israel,

you descendants of Jacob, his chosen ones.

He is the Lord our God.

His justice is seen throughout the land.

Remember his covenant forever—

the commitment he made to a thousand generations.

This is the covenant he made with Abraham

and the oath he swore to Isaac.

He confirmed it to Jacob as a decree,

and to the people of Israel as a never-ending covenant:

“I will give you the land of Canaan

as your special possession.”

He said this when you were few in number,

a tiny group of strangers in Canaan.

They wandered from nation to nation,

from one kingdom to another.

Yet he did not let anyone oppress them.

He warned kings on their behalf:

“Do not touch my chosen people,

and do not hurt my prophets.”

Let the whole earth sing to the Lord!

Each day proclaim the good news that he saves.

Publish his glorious deeds among the nations.

Tell everyone about the amazing things he does.

Great is the Lord! He is most worthy of praise!

He is to be feared above all gods.

The gods of other nations are mere idols,

but the Lord made the heavens!

Honor and majesty surround him;

strength and joy fill his dwelling.

O nations of the world, recognize the Lord,

recognize that the Lord is glorious and strong.

Give to the Lord the glory he deserves!

Bring your offering and come into his presence.

Worship the Lord in all his holy splendor.

Let all the earth tremble before him.

The world stands firm and cannot be shaken.

Let the heavens be glad, and the earth rejoice!

Tell all the nations, “The Lord reigns!”

Let the sea and everything in it shout his praise!

Let the fields and their crops burst out with joy!

Let the trees of the forest rustle with praise,

for the Lord is coming to judge the earth.

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good!

His faithful love endures forever.

Cry out, “Save us, O God of our salvation!

Gather and rescue us from among the nations,

so we can thank your holy name

and rejoice and praise you.”

Praise the Lord, the God of Israel,

who lives from everlasting to everlasting!

And all the people shouted “Amen!” and praised the Lord.

1 Chronicles 16:8-36 (NLT)

Goose Poop on the Sidewalk

2009-10-01T22:25:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I was feeling a little tired in my office so I decided to take a walk outside around the building. I do this once in a while to clear my mind or to spend a few quiet minutes alone with God. Things get so hectic in the office sometimes and it's easy to lose focus.

As I was walking, I noticed some geese - Canadian, I think - in the grass near the sidewalk. I think they have been in the growth hormones because they were huge! As I got closer, I noticed if they stood up tall, they were more than half my height. Just another instance of "I wish I had my camera with me." Didn't even have my phone.

The other thing I noticed was the goose poop all over the sidewalk. At first there was just a little and it was easy to avoid. Then as I rounded the corner of the building, it was everywhere. I walked with my head down, inspecting every inch of sidewalk looking for the safest place to step. Of course, all the while keeping an eye on the beasts that made the mess.

As I carefully made my way around the building, it occurred to me that while I was careful not to step in what I could clearly see could cause me harm (or at least distress), I'm not nearly as careful when it comes to sin and temptation that comes my way. I don't carefully navigate my way around it - sometimes I step right in it and carry the stink and dirt and contaminates around with me.

I realize I shouldn't walk around seeking out sin so I can be tempted and then avoid it, but I do know I need to be aware that temptation is all around me (1 Peter 5:8) and I have to be careful not to step in it. And when I see it, look for the escape route.

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
1 Corinthians 10:13

How do you avoid temptation?

Insanity

2009-09-24T18:29:00.000-04:00

While there is some debate on who to attribute this quote to originally, I think it describes this video perfectly:

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

This was my 3rd summer in my house. This bird, or one of it's relatives, has been around every year. Every morning from spring to late summer, I wake up to BANG, BANG, BANG as he attempts to fly in to the reflection in the window. At first, I felt really bad for the little guy. He just didn't get that no matter how many times he flies into the window, he's not going to get through it. Then, well, it just became entertainment.

How often in my own life am I just like that bird? I know what I want to do... I look through the window and for a brief moment I see a reflection of God and I run right into the window trying to get to him. Unfortunately, we cannot become more like God by running to a reflection of him. Only when we run directly toward him can we even get a glimpse of what it will be like to see him in all his glory.

We tend to make things more difficult than they need to be. We keep trying the same methods and make the same decisions over and over again, of course getting the same results. Sometimes, we have to realize it's just a matter of turning around and flying in the right direction.

What patterns do you have in your life that you need to break in order to really fly into God's plan for your life?

On another note, how do I help the poor guy? Do those decal things work?

Journey to Africa and Beyond Part 10

2009-09-23T06:30:00.000-04:00

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9

Back at the university, I continued scraping glue with Isaac. One of the funny-now-but-scary-at-the-time stories happened in the shop. I was working diligently with my turpentine (which, by the way, is flammable - you'll need that bit of information in a minute) when I heard what sounded like a giant bug getting zapped in a bug zapper, and a lot of yelling and scuffling. I looked around and I was completely alone. I looked behind me and the fuse box was on FIRE. The old adage "women and children first" definitely did not apply here. I left the shop and asked about the guy that was actually working on the fuse box. He ran out of the shop, and just kept running. We didn't see him for hours. After we were sure it was safe, we went back to work. The manager came in and was talking to us and he decided it would be a good idea next time if they turned off the electricity before working on the fuse box. Great idea.

Eventually, things got back to normal and I went back to scraping glue again. I noticed as I would finish with one piece and set it aside to begin working on the next piece, I would look back at the last one and see another spot. So I'd go back to it and scrape a little more. Then I'd go on to the next one and continue to find more spots on the ones I had thought were complete. I kept trying to get them perfect, fully knowing that I would never see the end product. I wouldn't know what the plaque would look like, or who would receive it, or what they thought of it. I began to think about the student center that was being built and how we would never see the finished product other than in photos, maybe, someday. And I kept going back to the last frame I worked on trying to finish it. Eventually, I had to just say, "It's good enough."

As soon as I surrendered that it was never going to be perfect, that I couldn't make it perfect, I knew in my spirit that God was speaking to me. Even though I gave up on perfecting those frames, God never stops refining me. He never gives up on me. He never sets me aside and says "that's good enough". He is always scraping away the glue that allows the world to stick to me. He never stops. He never gives up. He has all the time in the world to perfect me... I only had 2 weeks in Africa.

In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, 6being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:4-5

Many students will attend that university in Nairobi. Many will spend time in the student center eating, talking with friends, praying, in chapel, and whatever else they decide to do with that building. It's true that our hands didn't build it, but we were a small part of making it happen. The students that flow through there will go out into Africa, the Africa we didn't see, and they will spread the Good News. And I'm good with that.

Soon we would leave, but not before visiting a few other places. The Giraffe Sanctuary (ever kiss a giraffe? I have. One of the best quotes of the whole trip was "Sure. Don't drink the water but go ahead and swap spit with a wild animal.") We went into the city of Nairobi. If I didn't know I was in Africa, I never would have guessed. The traffic was like home, except they don't really have traffic lights or stop signs, but just about every intersection is a round-a-bout that is 3 or 4 lanes wide. You better hope you're in the right lane at the right time. That was actually the scariest part of the whole trip!

We went to the mall (yes, the mall). It was much like any shopping mall, except for the roof. This was where the market place was. It was all the same stuff we saw at the Maasai village, only in greater abundance and with a lot more bartering opportunity. Let's just say I bought some souvenirs for the church back home and some gifts for my family and got out of there!

We soon packed our things and headed back to the U.S. We had an 8 hour layover this time in London, but it was early Sunday morning and the weather wasn't great so I stayed at the airport while a few from our group went to do a little sight seeing. As I sat there, at one time I looked at my ticket and noticed it said "Karen Byrne - World Traveler". I wondered what that would mean for me for the future.

Had I really seen Africa?

I learned a lot about myself, and God did show up and speak to me, but I couldn't help wondering if I had missed out on something amazing. Every place we went was safe or run by Christians or had been thoroughly inspected before we arrived. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for that. I didn't want to sleep on the ground or dig under rocks for bugs to eat for dinner or fight off wild animals with a stick, but I know that the people of Africa are different than those we saw at the mall. While we were shopping, I wanted to walk along the road that leads to the university and talk to the people who live in shacks there and hear their stories and encourage them. Love them. Let God love them through me. But this was not my experience.

I've heard of people coming home from a mission trip and getting depressed after seeing how others in the world live. I came home and got depressed because of what I didn't see. Again, don't get me wrong, waking up in the morning and seeing a giraffe out your window is super cool. But I think God made me for more than that. What that is, I'm still trying to figure out.

Thanks for indulging me as I worked through this series. Now I feel like I can get back to some regular posts.

Journey to Africa and Beyond Part 9

2009-09-22T10:36:00.000-04:00

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

On our way back from our safari (which, by the way, is Swahili for journey) we drove through a couple of dust storms. It was pretty wild. I tried to take a picture but it really didn't turn out that great. We closed the windows in the vans as best we could (think old school bus windows), but the dust kept coming in.

When we got back to the university, one of the ladies was standing outside our van when I got of and she took one look at me and said "Oh honey", and I could tell from her look and her tone I was a mess. I looked around and no one else was dirty. Just me.

It took me a while, like a few months, to figure this out. I should have known, but I wasn't thinking right at the time. I'm going to tell you something you really don't want to know about me, but my face sweats. I know, I'm a lady and I should say "perspires" but the moisture that accumulates on my face when I'm hot is way more disgusting than perspiration... it's sweat. So, when we went through that dust storm, all of the dust settled on my face. Paints a lovely picture, doesn't it? (No, I didn't have a picture taken.)

I went inside and stood next to the bathtub and looked at my face in the mirror. I really was a mess. I looked at my clothes and my face and said a little prayer that went something like this: "Please God, send us a little rain so I can go out and get this dirt off me so I don't get the bathtub all dirty and no one has to wash the filth off my clothes.

In that moment, I realized that's how so many of us approach God. It's why so many never approach God. They think they have to get cleaned up before they can come to God. What they don't realize is that God is in the dirt and the mire with us. He comes into our mess and he is the one who washes us. We don't have anything to do with it, other than just showing up and allowing him access to clean up our mess. He's just waiting for us to ask.

I don't remember if it was during the trip or shortly after that this song really hit me. The lyrics are included, so I won't repeat them but there is one part that really sticks out to me as I write this.

I wanna come home but the sands of time surround me and the dirt's finally covered my shame.

Sometimes, we press down so hard on the sin in our lives that it gets buried under all the other junk in our lives and we can't even see it anymore. It's in those times that God has to scrape away at the outer level of dirt to get down to the heart of the matter. It's not a fun process, but it's worth it.

to be continued...

Journey to Africa and Beyond Part 8

2009-09-21T21:40:00.000-04:00

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

We also had planned a trip to the Masai Mara Game Reserve for a few days. This was going to be a 3 or 4 hour trip. We would be stopping by a Maasai village on the way. Finally... we were going to see Africa.

The village (pictures below) was interesting. When we arrived they danced for us, and then they jumped; they are known for how high they can jump. We learned that the ones wearing the head dress made of a lion's mane earned them by killing a lion that came into the village. They don't hunt the lions, but they do kill them if they intrude, and this gives them a celebrity-like status in the village. Their homes are built by the women out of mud and manure (and other "natural" products), and most of them 3 or 4 rooms... many of which are home to chickens, goats, and other animals they keep inside to protect. The homes do not last long as the Maasai tend to move around a lot. In this particular village, which is visited frequently (I think by appointment only) some of the young men go to school, and everyone in the village is a Christian. We had a demonstration of how they start a fire (was anyone a boyscout?). Then, we walked through a small entryway to the marketplace. This was where they all started hounding us to buy their products. Jewelry, carvings, etc. Things they made themselves and really, really, REALLY want you to buy them. Many tables had the same items on them, and each "seller" was trying to convince you that theirs was the best. This was the day I decided I would never, ever, EVER barter. It was overwhelming to me. I never wanted to escape a place so quickly in my life (for those who don't know, I really hate shopping - it used to be my least favorite thing to do; now it's bartering). You can learn more about the Maasai here.

Once we finally left the village we continued on and arrived at the Masai Mara Game Reserve. Could tell we were getting closer because we saw more and more zebras and giraffes. We checked in and went to our "tents", which were actually nicer than the rooms we had at the university.
Yes, that's my tent.

I posted a few of my pictures on Flickr.

The last day we were there we went out early in the morning. The only animals you see are vultures eating the left overs from the night before. I'll spare you those pictures.

As we were heading back in the vans, I kept asking that same question I'd been asking all along... is this Africa?

to be continued... (almost done, I promise)

We Interrupt This Series...

2009-09-15T21:15:00.001-04:00

Sorry for the interruption, but I wanted to share something really special with you, brought to you by Dirty Girls.

Now, before you think I've gone off the deep end, keep reading.

We don't often think of women when we talk about folks who struggle with pornography, but more and more women are opening up and confessing how they struggle with this stronghold. One of those women is Crystal Renaud, and having struggled to overcome this addictive behavior, she's doing something to help other women break free. You can read her personal testimony here.

Through this ministry she is helping church leaders learn how to help women in their own congregation through a coaching network. Women can sign up to attend Online Recovery Groups.

If you or someone you know is a woman who struggles with pornography, or if you just want to help spread the word, check out Dirty Girls: A Ministry to Women Porn Addicts. You can also follow Dirty Girls on twitter, Facebook, or check out or subscribe to their newsletter.

And now... back to our regularly scheduled blog series...

Journey to Africa and Beyond Part 7

2009-09-13T16:00:00.001-04:00

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

My understanding was that we had set aside a day to visit an orphanage where all of the children's parents were victims of AIDS. When we arrived, the children were so excited to see us (they were expecting us). They were all eager to have their pictures taken and view them on the screens of our digital cameras. Their ages ranged from just a few months old to 17. Once they turn 18 they must leave the orphanage.

The woman who runs the orphanage is a follower of Jesus. She loves the children there as if they were her own. She depends on the generosity of others to keep them fed and clothed, but she also teaches them to make jewelry and other items that can be sold. For the most part, they are well taken care of and are happy. They performed a few songs for us, all about the devastation that AIDS has brought to their lives, and also about Jesus. Many of the children have AIDS themselves, but it's not clear which ones. They all have responsibilities, with the older taking care of the younger. We only stayed for an hour or so.

Below are some of the amazing children from the orphanage. There are stories in their faces that we didn't get to hear. There is something in their eyes the draws you into a place where you don't want to go but you know you have to - yet there wasn't enough time.

Again, I ask myself, "Is this Africa?"

to be continued...

Journey to Africa and Beyond Part 6

2009-09-02T21:54:00.002-04:00

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

My first assignment was in the chapel. There was dry wall to hang (HA!) Ceiling to be painted (HA!) and various other things I was not qualified for. They convinced me I'd be able to do it. So there I was with a hammer and nails (used, many crooked) ready to work. A few short minutes later they were finding me something else to do. They had me climbing up on this scaffolding that was not safe at all. I don't remember what I was going to be doing up there... painting, I think. I finally was able to climb to the top and was laying down holding on for my life! A few short minutes later they were finding me a new location to work in. Yes, I was fired. But I was not alone. One other person was asked to leave as well. They were nice about it for sure, but they said I might be better suited for some other work.

Part of the team was replacing some windows in one of the buildings, and another part were working in the office, and another part was painting some dorm rooms. They seemed to be pretty well covered, so I was sent to the wood shop. Immediately, memories of Junior High shop class flashed in my head... they were not pretty thoughts.

This is where I met Isaac. He and I spent many hours together over the many days I was there. He lived far away and traveled a couple of hours to and from work each day. The university only hires Christians. And Isaac had Jesus all over him. He was kind, gentle and extremely patient. Don't worry, I didn't use any power tools.

One of the tools they do use there for just about everything is turpentine. They use it to remove paint (of course), to clean, to soften glue on the windows they were removing...everything. If there was something that needed to be done, you can pretty much bet there would be turpentine nearby.

So in the wood shop, they brought out a bunch of picture frames. Just like the ladders and scaffolding, they made their own picture frames. So they needed a little sanding. So I sanded. For many days, I sanded. There must have been a hundred of them, though I probably only saw 20 at a time.

Then they brought what looked like black boxes. A closer look revealed they were wood boxes covered in felt. Someone had already glued the felt to the boxes, which it turned out were actually inserts for the picture frames. One thing about glue on black felt... it makes a mess, and whoever did the gluing didn't really try to make sure there wasn't glue everywhere.

That's where I came in. Armed with a scrub brush and a bottle of turpentine, I went to work... pouring turpentine on the brush, and scrubbing to get rid of the excess glue and residue. They were making awards for their 10 year anniversary celebration happening a few weeks after we would leave. So for the next several days, I scraped glue off of picture frames in Africa.

As I worked, I got to know Isaac and his friends. We talked about our lives and how different they were. We sang a few songs now and then, and I sanded, and poured, and brushed, and scraped. And I just kept thinking, "Is this Africa?"

to be continued... Part 7

Journey to Africa and Beyond Part 5

2009-08-22T22:00:00.002-04:00

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

On our first day, we would be taking a tour of the university and getting to know some of the people we would be working with there. We got all of our instructions about what would be safe to eat or drink, and what we should stay away from. We met Mike and Julie, the missionaries that were living at ANU during at the time, and our hosts while we were there.

Our first stop was breakfast. We met our personal chef for the week. Yes, you read that right. We were in Africa, and we had a personal chef. This is where I start to get uncomfortable. I don't have a personal chef here, so why would I have one there? Anyway, I don't remember his name, but this picture is him.

We toured ANU and saw some of the places we would be working. Remember the $5000 we needed to raise (the other church also raised $5000)? It went toward the student center they were building at the time. You might need to click on the picture to see it, but notice the ladder leaning against the house in the background? That is the type of equipment they use all the time. They don't buy things like ladders and scaffolding - they make it themselves. We really thought we were going to be helping to build the student center. But the reason we raised the money was so they could hire local labor. Which is good, but we really wanted to be more hands on.

So what was our mission while we were there? We were about to find out.

to be continued... Part 6

Journey to Africa and Beyond Part 4

2009-08-21T22:00:00.004-04:00

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Needless to say, there were a lot of emotions running around in my head during the few days before we left. We were leaving October 1, 2005. A few days before, someone on the team had to back out so we had a last minute replacement.

Finally, it was time to leave. We met at the airport, some of us meeting for the first time. Nineteen of us boarded our first plane for the 8 hour flight to London. Our flight left on Saturday at 630PM and we finally arrived in Nairobi, Kenya at 845PM Sunday. This included two 8 hours flights, a 4 hour layover in London, and a 7 hour time difference. Truthfully, I don't remember anything about getting to Nairobi except standing in line at London Heathrow airport for what felt like forever, and then turning a corner and standing in line again.

The airport in Nairobi was complete chaos. Getting through customs and searching for all of our luggage was quite an experience. One of the missionaries, Mike, was picking us up at the airport. Fortunately, we were travelling with some folks who had been there before and told us exactly what to do... and not do (Like do NOT let anyone help you with your bags; they will expect to be paid). All of the luggage arrived safely, except for one container full of medical equipment for the clinic at the university where we were staying (this never arrived. It was held up in London - never to be seen again). Once we finally arrived at the house, it was late and we all just wanted to get some sleep.

Africa Nazarene University is located just outside of Nairobi, Kenya. It's really a beautiful campus and highly secure. This is where we would spend a better part of the next two weeks.

To tell you the truth, I don't remember the order of the rest of the events that happened, which I will share in the next few posts. I'm sorry this is taking so many posts to tell, but I am sharing as I remember, and the thoughts don't come as quickly as I would like.

to be continued... Part 5

Journey to Africa and Beyond Part 3

2009-08-17T21:00:00.003-04:00

Part 1 Part 2

I wrestled with God a little bit on that one. I had enough money in the bank to cover it, but I also had rent and bills to pay so I really didn't want to pay for the whole trip right away. What if something came up and I needed that money? I was making excuses, and God was asking me to trust him. So I did. I wrote the check and mailed it to the church (the other church was collecting and tracking the funds). And I prayed. I knew God was going to provide for whatever needs I had. And I had no worries.

On Tuesday of the following week, I checked my mailbox at the office and found my paycheck from the previous week (it's direct deposited and I don't get much mail so I hadn't checked it). I started crying as I opened it, because there was a bonus included that I wasn't expecting that covered the entire trip, plus a couple hundred dollars - and this was net, not gross. I checked my bank account right away to make sure it wasn't a joke. It's amazing what God does when we obey him.

That check had already been written when I was having that "discussion" with God. He knew. As much as I thought I was trusting him, I really wasn't. Here's what really strikes me about this, and I actually just thought of it. I didn't even ask God to provide the money. It was His idea. All I did was listen and obey (after a while). One day, I hope to live in immediate obedience, even though I think we grow stronger in the wrestling.

So things were really in motion. I was locked in. Money was coming in from other fund raisers. We were getting passports and visas, shots and prescriptions, and figuring out how to pack for 2 weeks across the globe.

In the mean time, things were changing at work. My boss was leaving the company and I was transitioning into a new position. I hired someone who already worked for the company, but she was new to the department and just over a month after she started, I was about to leave her for 2 weeks.

Then, a couple of weeks before I left, my step-mom died. Everything came to a screeching halt. All the planning, preparation, excitement was put on hold to mourn the loss of a woman who was like a second mom to me.

to be continued... Part 4

Journey to Africa and Beyond Part 2

2009-08-11T23:10:00.005-04:00

Part 1

Once I regained my composure and the meeting was over, I followed my Pastor to his office.) I don't know why, but it always felt like going to the principal's office.)

We talked about what was involved in being Missions President. It sounded exciting but terrifying all at the same time. There was already a good team of people involved so it was basically some facilitating of meetings, educating the congregation and getting them excited about the world, and raising a boat-load of money.

After much prayer and discussion with the exiting president, I decided I would accept the challenge. There were several logistical tasks I had to complete, but after a while I was thrust into a side of the church that I was not prepared to handle, but that's a completely different story for another time.

One of the projects that was already in process was a mission trip to Nairobi, Kenya. The first time I heard about it, something inside me said "I'm going". Had an awesome friend working with another church to plan the trip. I couldn't have done it without her.

As the details of the trip were coming together and we started fund raising efforts. Each person was responsible for raising money for their own portion (around $2000 each), but the church needed to provide $5000 to go toward the project in Africa.

When we started fund raising (which actually turned out to be a lot of fun), I had been reading 2 Samuel. At the very end in chapter 24, David goes to buy the threshing floor so he can present and offering to the Lord. Araunah tried to give it to David, along with everything he needed for the sacrifice. But David did something amazing. He said he wouldn't sacrifice anything to the Lord that cost him nothing. He refused the gift because he knew that it isn't really a sacrifice if it doesn't cost you something.

God really spoke to me as I read that. I really felt he was telling me I needed to pay for my trip on my own. I thought that was a crazy idea. I even tried to change it by telling God I was sacrificing my time to go, so it was OK to raise the money. But you know God, he was persistent. Finally, I said something like "OK, God. I know you want me to do this and I don't know how I'm going to pay for it, but I'm going to trust you." We had our first payment due that week - I think it was $500. As I was writing the check I heard that still small voice again... "Pay the full amount".

WHAT?!?!

Was He kidding?

to be continued... Part 3

Journey to Africa and Beyond Part 1

2009-08-09T17:20:00.002-04:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about my trip to Africa in 2005. I'm not sure why it's so prevalent in my mind these days, but since it is, I'm going to write about it while the memories are still there.

It started years before when I heard my first "missionary" speak. I put that in quotes because we are all on a mission.

I remember something stirring in me. I don't remember where he was from, what his name was, or what he said, but I know something in me changed that day. I think it was the first time I realized there was a great big world out there and we could be a part of changing it. Sad that I didn't learn that until I was in my late 20s, which really speaks to the selfish me-focused part of the world I live in. That's another post for another time, though.

Fast forward several years... I think it was 2004 and I was sitting in a meeting of the missions council at church, listening to all of the different areas that are available to serve. Many of them sounded interesting, but every time I would get the nerve to volunteer, someone else would take it. (This was just a few years ago, but back then I was so quiet and wouldn't hardly say a word to anyone.) I was sitting next to my pastor, and he leaned over and said something like "you didn't sign up for anything". My response was something like "I'll do whatever is needed. If there's a hole I'll fill it." He replied, "I have the perfect job for you." Then he scribbled something on a piece of paper and slid it over to me.

It said "President".

I laughed.

to be continued... Part 2

Forgive and Forget?

2009-07-30T22:20:00.004-04:00

Earlier this week, I saw this tweet from Sean:

Sometimes I forgive and forget. But sometimes when I forgive, I must keep remembering to forget.

OK. I may be way off on this, and I've done a little research, so feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

I think sometimes, the forgetting is harder because we are trying to forget the wrong thing. I think we try to completely forget the event that occurred, rather than forgetting the offense of the event. Many times, when the offense occurs, it leaves scars. Those scars stay with us for the rest of our lives. Let me explain.

Years ago, someone was moving (I'm not sure who... me probably) and a friend was there helping. He was moving something and it hit the ceiling light and it shattered, landed on me and cut my finger, which bled quite a bit. He felt terrible about it (for both my finger and the light fixture). I forgave him. I forgot the offense and never held it against him. But I still remember the event. It's part of my story. I have a tiny scar to commemorate the event. It's actually a fond memory of a friend I haven't seen or talked to in many years.

Jesus was pretty clear that we are to forgive. He himself forgave, even those who were killing him. But he will never forget the event - he died for me. But, he does forgive those of us who put him there, and, if we are repentant, he no longer remembers our offenses.

Peter asked Jesus how many times we should forgive someone. Basically, Jesus said a gazillion trillion plus. He never said forget. He never said we had to be bestest buddies with the other person. Just forgive and don't hold a grudge.

In several places, Jesus tells us that we are to forgive others in the same manner our Father has forgiven us. (Mark 11:25, Matthew 18:21-35, Luke 6:37, Luke 11:4, Colossians 3:13 - I'm sure more can be found). What I don't see in those verses is anything that says when you forgive, you forget it ever happened.

Think about this... if God completely forgot every transgression, would we have the Bible? It wouldn't be nearly as effective if it said, Jesus came to earth to live a sinless life, and to die on a cross... but I don't remember why...

So am I way off here?

Random Active Kindness

2009-07-23T22:48:00.001-04:00

Recently, I started helping lead a group of 5th and 6th grade girls on Sunday nights. It's really been challenging and rewarding, and I'm loving it!

A couple of weeks ago I talked about loving your neighbor. We read a lot of verses about loving each other, ending with the parable of the Good Samaritan. As we closed, I challenged them to do a random act of kindness each day during the week, and to come back with stories of what they did and what the reactions were of the people they served. (Side note: We didn't have many of the same girls the next week, so the only story I have is this one, from one of the mothers: Random act gone wrong. Maybe we should let the parents in on our weekly challenges.)

As we were cleaning up after the girls left, we found one of the girl's papers. She had written down the assignment as "Do a random active kindness every day." We kind of giggled at that.

At home later that evening, I thought of how she heard that and I think she was right. Loving others requires action. It's not about feeling some emotion, but it's about getting up and doing something. We can't say we love God and love people if we are sitting around talking about it.

It's time to get moving! It's time to make a difference. It's time.

We ended our time together talking about why it's important to love others and show kindness to them. I'll leave you with Matthew 25:31-46 from The Message.

The Sheep and the Goats
"When he finally arrives, blazing in beauty and all his angels with him, the Son of Man will take his place on his glorious throne. Then all the nations will be arranged before him and he will sort the people out, much as a shepherd sorts out sheep and goats, putting sheep to his right and goats to his left.
"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Enter, you who are blessed by my Father! Take what's coming to you in this kingdom. It's been ready for you since the world's foundation. And here's why:

I was hungry and you fed me,
I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,
I was homeless and you gave me a room,
I was shivering and you gave me clothes,
I was sick and you stopped to visit,
I was in prison and you came to me.'
"Then those 'sheep' are going to say, 'Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?' Then the King will say, 'I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.'
"Then he will turn to the 'goats,' the ones on his left, and say, 'Get out, worthless goats! You're good for nothing but the fires of hell. And why? Because—

I was hungry and you gave me no meal,
I was thirsty and you gave me no drink,
I was homeless and you gave me no bed,
I was shivering and you gave me no clothes,
Sick and in prison, and you never visited.'
"Then those 'goats' are going to say, 'Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or homeless or shivering or sick or in prison and didn't help?'
"He will answer them, 'I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you failed to do one of these things to someone who was being overlooked or ignored, that was me—you failed to do it to me.'
"Then those 'goats' will be herded to their eternal doom, but the 'sheep' to their eternal reward."

It's time. Go.

If you don't know where to start, some of the ideas on this site may jump start your creativity: A Risk A Day

Bittersweet Freedom

2009-07-05T22:04:00.001-04:00

Yesterday was the 4th of July. Independence Day. A celebration of Freedom in the United States. Freedom means a lot of different things to a lot of different people.

I thank God that I live in a free country. Some might say that our freedom is being stripped away from us, but as far as freedom goes, we've got it a lot better than some. The fact that I woke up this morning and had a choice to worship God or not, and if my choice was to worship God, I could choose where to do that - at the church down the street, in the park, in my home, in my car. Some Christ followers woke up this morning in fear of persecution - of being arrested, beaten, maybe even killed if they were caught worshiping Jesus Christ as Lord. Yes, I'm thankful that I had that choice this morning. (In case you are wondering, I did choose to worship, and I did go to the church down the street. And, I continued to worship as I went to the park, went to lunch, mowed the ~~lawn~~ weeds, and even as I write this. I will continue to worship as it is built into who I am. We all worship. I choose to worship Jesus... but I digress...)

Another theme overwhelmed me yesterday. It was 1 year ago yesterday that I experienced a different kind of freedom. I decided to leave the only church I ever really knew, the only church were I had ever served, the church where I was baptized, the church I learned what it meant to really have a relationship with Jesus. It may seem strange that walking away from something so familiar would bring freedom, but there's a problem when the familiar keeps you from experiencing the extraordinary.

I spent a lot of time yesterday looking over the last year - a bit of an inventory I suppose. At first glance, nothing has really changed in the last year, except my surroundings and the people around me. I expected this year to be a time of healing, a time of seeking God, a time of rediscovering God's plan and how he wants to use me in it.

I still have some healing to do. OK... a lot of healing to do. It's been hard to find the balance between letting go of the past and looking toward the future, and going through the process of forgiveness. There is freedom in forgiveness. His forgiveness of my sins, and my forgiveness of others.

I have spent more time seeking God in the last year than ever before. It's been exciting and challenging and frustrating, all at the same time. I love it. I've been beat up, broken, encouraged, loved, and confused, just about every day. I don't always understand what he's doing. I often don't understand what he did in the past. But I trust him. I trust him more than ever. In that... there is freedom.

The more I seek God through his Word, the more I uncover his ultimate plan. Not his plan for me (we get stuck on that way too much), but his his plan over all. One of the first things I learned as a new believer was that God is always working out his plan. It's up to us to be listening to him to see where we fit in. He's going to accomplish his plan with or without me, and I'd rather be in the midst of the excitement rather than on the sidelines.

Where do I fit in to that plan? That part, I'm still struggling with. There are many things that I am passionate about... situations that evoke compassion. I don't think God's "calling" is based solely on emotion, but a prompting into action. I'm ready to move into action. I'm ready to be moved into action. I'm scared, but I'm listening and I'm ready. There's a freedom that comes when you actively participate in the action.

I ran into an old friend yesterday... someone from the old church. We talked for a long time, like nothing had changed. A part of me wanted to go back, to how things used to be, but I've been learning lately that once things change, they can't really go back to how they were. You can return to the place you came from, but it won't be the same. That's been my experience anyway.

So yesterday was bittersweet. As I remember the things I left behind and how life would be so much easier if I had never made the change, I know that leaving was the best choice, because it honored God. It's good to look back on the last year and reflect. But it's better to forget what is behind and straining toward what is ahead (Philippians 3:13), because there's freedom in that.

Maybe if I write about it...

2009-07-01T22:30:00.001-04:00

When I was a kid I had a recurring dream. Nightmare really. I don't remember all of the details, but it had to do with a creepy guy who lived in a shack behind the elementary school. He would take kids from the playground if they got too close to his shack. I don't know what he did to them, and I always woke up either right before or right as he caught me. I think I had this dream several times over a few years. I'm pretty sure it made recess a bit stressful.

One day, something changed and the dream went away. I talked about it. I don't remember who I told about it (probably a friend), but getting it out in the open seemed to change whatever it was in my subconscious that was causing the dream in the first place.

Well, over the last week, something else has been recurring, so I thought if I wrote about it, it would go away. I'm sure there's something I'm supposed to be learning, so maybe the thought process will bring some clarity. I've talked about it, but I'm sure I need to go deeper on this one.

It's not a dream, it's a parable. From the Bible. One I've heard about or read a hundred times or more over the years. And in the last week and a half, it's been mentioned 8 or 9 times (or more.. I've lost count), 5 times in different sermons, 2 or 3 times by friends, and once again today, in a book I'm reading. It's the story of the Prodigal Son. You can read it for yourself in Luke 15.

In case you don't want to read it, here's the AKV (Abbreviated Karen Version).

Dad has 2 sons. Younger son asks for his inheritance. He gets it and blows it all livin' large in the city. Takes a job slopping pigs. No money. No home. No food - not even the stuff the pigs are eating. Has a change of heart, decides to run home to dad, apologize, and live as a servant in the home he grew up in. Figures that would be better than having a pig for a best bud. Funny thing happens on his way home. Dad meets him, forgives him, brings him back into the home, throws a party and everyone is happy. Well, almost everyone. Big brother's kinda bitter and won't even say hello to his estranged brother. He won't celebrate the homecoming, even though dad tries to convince him to. Can you say dysfunctional?

What am I supposed to be learning by hearing this over and over again (coming from different angles each time)? Am I the son who basically wishes his father were dead so he could have his inheritance early? Am I the son squandering the gifts that I have been given so freely from my Father based on my own selfish desires? Am I the older brother, more interested in what's mine is mine, than in restoring my relationship with my brother, and ruining my relationship with my Father in the process? Or am I the father, waiting for some prodigal situation to come to an end in my life, ready, willing to forgive and accept with open arms?

I think the answer is, all of the above. I see glimpses of myself in each one of them. That doesn't give me any great revelation that will help me fall asleep easier tonight or not be hesitant to turn on the next podcast or start reading the next chapter. But maybe, just maybe, I'm realizing (or remembering) that there is really never just one thing to learn from a few verses in the Bible, but that the Word of God is alive and still makes an impact on people today. It's not a history book, but a telling of His Story. And that story continues today, and I get to be a part of it. How cool is that?

What about you? Who do you most relate to in this parable?

In case you want to join the fun, here's a list of the sermons that were either about or briefly mentioned the prodigal son, listed in the order I heard them. They're all worth a listen, and most are also available on iTunes:

God is Father, Craig Groeschel, LifeChurch.tv
God is Father, Clayton King, NewSpring Church
Coming Home, 06/07/2009, Brian Colmery, Cornerstone Simi Valley
The Origin, June 24, 2009, Charles Stanley, InTouch
Why Isn't My Life Working? (#4 in series), Pete Wilson, Cross Point

I don't belong here

2009-06-23T20:10:00.007-04:00

2 Samuel 9 paints a beautiful picture. It is mentioned more than once that Mephibosheth is crippled in both feet after being dropped as a young boy. I imagine that did not place him very high in social settings. Even though he wasn't worthy (by cultural standards) of sitting at the king's table, the king brought him in anyway.

Carried to the Table
Leeland Mooring
Wounded and forsaken
I was shattered by the fall
Broken and forgotten
Feeling lost and all alone
Summoned by the King
Into the Master’s courts
Lifted by the Savior
And cradled in His arms

I was carried to the table
Seated where I don’t belong
Carried to the table
Swept away by His love
And I don’t see my brokenness anymore
When I’m seated at the table of the Lord
I’m carried to the table
The table of the Lord

Fighting thoughts of fear
And wondering why He called my name
Am I good enough to share this cup
This world has left me lame
Even in my weakness
The Savior called my name
In His Holy presence
I’m healed and unashamed

You carried me, my God
You carried me

Oh how I long to dine at the King's table, if only to be in His presence. I don't belong there. This sinful, broken, rejected woman doesn't deserve to even sit outside the city gates. Yet, he invites me. He welcomes me. He doesn't see all of the things that make me feel unworthy of being there. He sees what he created me for. He sees his purposed for me and the potential he has placed in me to accomplish it. He sees me though the blood of his Son.

And in His presence, all of my imperfections are erased. In His presence I no longer am aware of myself. I am only aware Him and His unexplainable, unending, unconditional love for me. And all is well.

More than I can Handle

2009-06-11T21:50:00.002-04:00

"Don't worry. God won't give you more than you can handle."

I hear that a lot. It's a great sentiment. It's comforting. It's soothing. It's reassuring. And it's wrong.

Most people use 1 Corinthians 10:13 to support this thinking. If you read it carefully, you will see that this verse is talking about temptation, not trials.

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

I believe God lets more come at us than we can handle on our own. If he didn't would we really need him? Would we learn to depend on him if we were capable in our own power? I'm thinking Goliath was more than David could handle. Pharaoh was more that Moses wanted to handle, not to mention leading an entire nation through the desert. Not sure Joshua could have taken on Jericho with divine intervention. Gideon and his mighty army of 300 men probably thought taking on the Midianites was a crazy idea. Job lost everything - seems like too much to me. And Mary? Let's just say being responsible for God's only Son could be a huge source of anxiety and seem like a ridiculous task. The storm was way too much for the disciples to handle - good thing God was with them. Don't get me started on Paul; he faced way more than any man could handle.

Each of these people had 2 things in common: An impossible task and confidence in God's promises. So it should be with us. We are not alone. We don't have to face anything alone. God promised, and we should trust in those promises.

So, when you are tempted, look for a way out - it's there - and if all else fails, do what Joseph did and RUN! When your giant looks huge, the army too vast, the task too heavy, the fight impossible, the pain unbearble, remember nothing is impossible with our God. He is with you and the battle belongs to Him.

In the Right Place

2009-06-08T20:36:00.000-04:00

I had this whole post all figured out until I started to do a little research. Did you know there's no such thing as a seagull? I didn't. I've always called those annoying birds in parking lots seagulls, but that's just some kind of nickname. Regardless of their true name (you can look here if you are really interested), I don't like them. They make a mess of parking lots, they don't get out of the way, and why aren't they at the lake anyway? Aren't they supposed to be diving for fish in the sea or something? No wait, they aren't seagulls. Maybe they are parkinglotgulls. Have I mentioned I don't like them?

Something changed in my opinion of these creatures this past weekend. I took a half day off work, got in my car, and drove. I went west and stopped right before I hit the water. It was a nice, sunny day, a bit cool with a breeze. I walked out on a pier and there they were - those crazy gulls. Flying out over the water... and it was beautiful! I sat and watched them for a long time.

There's something about seeing them do what they were created to do in the place they were intended to do it. I don't know, maybe it was the long drive or the anticipation of the sunset, but it really was a beautiful sight.

I wonder, how many of us are hanging out in parking lots when we should be soaring out over the water. Are you in the place God wants you, or are you in the place where you are comfortable and safe? Are you doing what you've always known or are you stepping out in faith to let God use you to do something only He can accomplish? Is it obvious to those around that you where you in the right place, or do you look like a seagull in a parking lot?

Sure I'll pray for you. But...

2009-05-19T05:00:00.003-04:00

Prayer hasn't been one of my strongest attributes.

I get a lot of prayer requests - so many people are hurting, whether physically, mentally or spiritually, or some combination of those. I have to admit: I get lazy sometimes. I'll say some quick "meet all their needs" prayer, without really listening to the Holy Spirit's prompting, and then not think about it again. I know God knows what each person needs, but when I say I'm going to pray about something, I should do it, wholeheartedly.

So I made some changes recently.

It's so easy to get into the habit of writing down the prayer requests from people and simply asking God to answer their specific request. Would that be wrong? No. It's what they asked for. But I find lately that it isn't enough. Sometimes, what someone is asking for isn't what they really need. If you ask for healing in your body, I may also pray for healing in your spirit. If you ask for success in your job, I may also pray for a deeper relationship with the Father so that the success of this world is not what you seek after. If you ask for clarity, I may also pray that you will trust God has a plan and wants you to be a part of it. If you ask for your circumstances to be changed, I may also pray that you be changed from the inside out and that you become a catalyst to change your environment. "We cry out to God and ask Him to heal our land, to heal our circumstances, to heal our finances. But before He can do any of that, He must heal our hearts." -Adam Cooke

Let me clarify that I do not suggest to know what someone needs. But the Holy Spirit does. And it's important to remember to listen for His guidance as we pray, both for ourselves and for others.

Sometimes, it would bother me when I would hear (or see online) one ask for prayer, and another respond, "I prayed for you", or my favorite "Done". Now that done is not a "consider it done" but a "I did, now on to my next task". Then I remembered, I do that. When we ask, we should continue to ask, like this, or like this. Paul tell us to pray continually.

I was at work a couple of weeks ago and I had just turned on some music. A song I hadn't heard in a while came on called Pray by Kendall Payne. I remember this song challenging me when I first heard it. Right after it started, I got a text message:

Pray.

As I listened to the words of the song, I prayed for my friend. It didn't matter that I didn't know what they needed. It didn't matter that I wasn't with them to help them get through whatever they were experiencing. They didn't need me. They needed a touch from the Father. So I prayed. And I kept praying.

Check out these words.

Pray
by Kendall Payne

I will pray for you now, for you have been my faithful friends
While the road we walk is difficult indeed
I couldn't not ask for more than what you've already been
Only that you would say these prayers for me

May your heart break enough that compassion enters in
May your strength all be spent upon the weak
All the castles and crowns you build and place upon your head
May they all fall, come crashing down around your feet

May you find every step to be harder than the last
So your character grows greater every stride
May your company be of human insignificance
May your weakness be your only source of pride

What you do unto others may it all be done to you
May you meet the One who made us
And see Him smile when life is through

May your blessings be many but not what you hoped they'd be
And when you look upon the broken
May mercy show you what you could not see

May you never be sure of any plans you desire
But you'd learn to trust the plan He has for you
May your passions be tried and tested in the holy fire
May you fight with all your life for what is true

I have prayed for you now all my dear and faithful friends
But what I wish is more than I could ever speak
As the way wanders on I'll long to see you once again
Until then, would you pray these prayers for me?

Oh, that you would pray for me

So, go ahead. Ask me to pray for you.

Conquering Your Greatest Fear

2009-05-17T18:00:00.001-04:00

If someone asks you the question...

What is your greatest fear?

... what goes through your mind?

At a women's ministry gathering not long ago, we got into small groups and shared our greatest fears with each other, then pray. While it was a bit uncomfortable, I willingly shared my greatest fear, as did the other 4 people in our little circle. We then prayed to release those fears to God and live a fearless life.

We gathered, we prayed, some were set free from those fears, some of which were irrational, some were caused by deep wounds, some were new fears, brought on by recent events.

Now here's where my head took over. As I released my greatest fear (which was being alone - not in a "someone's gonna get me" kind of way, but in a "growing old and having no one to love on this earth" kind of way) and laid it at the foot of the cross, it occurred to me that the concept of something being greatest indicates that it's not the only, but just the biggest or scariest or most significant. That means there are other fears.

The beauty in conquering your greatest fear is that there is a new greatest fear to be conquered.

And it becomes easier.

Who am I?

2009-05-05T06:46:00.003-04:00

I needed some encouragement this morning. I have sent this to many people in the past to encourage them. Today, I'm going to remember that God wrote these words for me, too.

* I am born again…through the living and enduring word of God. (1 Peter 1:23)
* I am a child of God. (John 1:12)
* I am saved by grace through faith. (Ephesians 2:8-9)
* I am loved by God and He gave his one and only Son for me. (John 3:16)
* I am a new creation in Christ; the old has gone and the new has come! (2 Corinthians 5:17)
* I have peace with God. (Romans 5:1)
* The Holy Spirit lives in me. (1 Corinthians 3:16)
* I have access to God's wisdom. (James 1:5)
* I am helped by God. (Hebrews 4:16)
* I am reconciled to God. (Romans 5:11)
* I am not condemned by God. (Romans 8:1)
* I am justified. (Romans 5:1)
* I have Christ's righteousness. (Romans 5:19; 2 Corinthians 5:21)
* I am Christ's ambassador. (2 Corinthians 5:20)
* I am completely forgiven. (Colossians 1:14)
* I am tenderly loved by God. (Jeremiah 31:3)
* I am the sweet fragrance of Christ to God. (2 Corinthians 2:15)
* I am a temple in which God dwells. (1 Corinthians 3:16)
* I am blameless and beyond reproach. (Colossians 1:22)
* I am the salt of the earth. (Matthew 5:13)
* I am the light of the world. (Matthew 5:14)
* I am a branch on Christ's vine. (John 15:1,5)
* I am Christ's friend. (John 15:5)
* I am chosen by Christ to bear fruit. (John 15:16)
* I am a joint heir with Christ, sharing His inheritance with Him. (Romans 8:17)
* I am united to the Lord, one spirit with Him. (1 Corinthians 6:17)
* I am a member of Christ's body. (1 Corinthians 12:27)
* I am a saint. (Ephesians 1:1)
* I am hidden with Christ in God. (Colossians 3:3)
* I am chosen by God, holy and dearly loved. (Colossians 3:12)
* I am a child of the light. (1 Thessalonians 5:5)
* I am holy, and I share in God's heavenly calling. (Hebrews 3:1)
* I am sanctified. (Hebrews 2:11)
* I am one of God's living stones, being built up in Christ as a spiritual house. (1 Peter 2:5)
* I am a member of a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession and created to sing His praises. (1 Peter 2:9-10)
* I am firmly rooted and built up in Christ. (Colossians 2:7)
* I am born of God, and the evil one cannot touch me. (1 John 5:18)
* I have the mind of Christ. (1 Corinthians 2:16)
* I may approach God with boldness, freedom, and confidence. (Ephesians 3:12)
* I have been rescued from Satan's domain and transferred into the kingdom of Christ. (Colossians 1:13)
* I have been made complete in Christ. (Colossians 2:10)
* I have been given a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7)
* I have been given great and precious promises by God. (2 Peter 1:4)
* My needs are met by God. (Philippians 4:19)
* I am a prince (princess) in God's kingdom. (John 1:12; 1 Timothy 6:15)
* I have been bought with a price, and I belong to God. (1 Corinthians 6:19,20)
* I have been adopted as God's child. (Ephesians 1:5)
* I have direct access to God through the Holy Spirit. (Ephesians 2:18)
* I am assured that all things are working together for good. (Romans 8:28)
* I am free from any condemning charges against me. (Romans 8:31f)
* I cannot be separated from the love of God. (Romans 8:35f)
* I have been established, anointed, and sealed by God. (2 Corinthians 1:21,22)
* I am confident that the good work that God has begun in me will be perfected. (Philippians 1:6)
* I am a citizen of heaven. (Philippians 3:20)
* I am a personal witness of Christ's. (Acts 1:8)
* I am God's coworker. (2 Corinthians 6:1, 1 Corinthians 3:9)
* I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realm. (Ephesians 2:6)
* I am God's workmanship. (Ephesians 2:10)
* I can do all things through Christ, who gives me the strength I need. (Philippians 4:13)

Still

2009-05-01T06:00:00.001-04:00

A few days ago I was having a rough day. I often feel a bit overwhelmed at the office. Too many things to do, not enough time to do them. Not uncommon for most people I guess.

This particular day, though, the pressure was mounting. It had been a week of getting very little accomplished. I did something I don't do often. I reached out and asked for prayer. Then the words came across my screen:

Be still and listen.

It was a gentle reminder that I was trying to get it all done in my own power. Later that day, I was so distracted I wasn't getting anything done, so I took my Bible outside to read. It was a beautiful day so I found a picnic table and opened the Book. It fell open to Isaiah 43 (one of my favorites, so it's no wonder it opened right to it). I began to read and the wind picked up. This was not a nice spring breeze. This was 30 mph gusts.

I sat there as long as I could, protecting the words on the page from the wind and the sun. In the midst of the chaos of the wind turning the pages, people running around and my water bottle floating across the table, I heard that still small voice in my head saying:

I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

That's all that really matters. Not who I am or what I've accomplished, but Whose I am. Even in the midst of all the noise that wind brings with it, God's whisper can be heard when we are still.

As is

2009-04-30T07:00:00.002-04:00

I was at the mall recently. It's one of the least likely places you will find me but I was there. I went on my lunch hour to avoid the crowds. At the last minute, a friend went with me which made it much more pleasant.

While I was there I noticed they were giving away some free things if you spent a certain amount. Part of the promotion was that you could choose between a couple different items. As I was checking out and my sales person was bagging my items, she apologized for no longer having the choice as they had run out of one of them. I said it was OK. She just kept apologizing. The rest of the conversation when kind of like this:

Me: It's really OK. I know some people may have a problem with not having the choice, but it's really not a big deal for me. I didn't come here for free stuff.

Her: Really?

Me: Really. I mean, it's free.

Her coworker: Did she really just say that?

Her: Yes. (to me) Oh, we like you. Will you come back? We never hear that, do we?

Her coworker: No. Never.

They just went on and on about how people don't respond that way. She then gave me extra free stuff. I tried to refuse it but she insisted so I gave it to my friend who was gracious enough to go with me. She practically begged me to come back.

It really got me thinking about the gift God gave. He offers the free gift of salvation to us - all we need to do is accept it, as is. The problem is, we try to make it into something it was not intended to be. We smile, and say thank you, but then we think it's not quite right. Maybe we make it into a set of rules we have to follow. Maybe we think of it as a "get out of jail free" card, and go on living our lives the way we want with no concern for Him at all. Maybe it's saying certain parts of the Bible apply to us and others don't.

We want to custom order the free gift, with only the accessories we think will fit into our plans. Problem is, the plan isn't really ours. The gift isn't customizable. You can't make it better. You can't make it worse. Jesus is perfect, as is.

Wrong Way

2009-04-28T22:46:00.004-04:00

Recently, my normal drive to work has been disrupted by orange barrels. Yes, along with the new life that spring delivers, it also marks the beginning of construction season.

A couple of weeks ago, it took me nearly 2 hours to get to the office (a 45 mile trek). I decided that day that I needed a new route to work. I had a few choices, but chose the one that would hopefully be fastest. Things have been going well ever since.

That is, until this week. Yesterday as I was leaving the office, I apparently wasn't thinking about what I was doing, and I turned the wrong way out of the parking lot. After kicking myself, I decided I could get back on my new route by taking a little detour. That detour added 1/2 hour to my drive.

Fast forward to today. Once again, leaving the parking lot, I turned a different wrong way. This time, I made the decision to take all back roads home, which again, added 1/2 hour to my normal drive time. I was so frustrated with myself. I realize that at this time, there really is only one way to get home.

It's amazing how a simple distraction can cause me to get on the wrong road, not to mention falling back into old patterns. I didn't mean to get on the wrong road. I could have turned around and gotten back on track, but I thought I knew the answer to my dilemma. I wasn't turning to the great Navigator, who always leads me back to the narrow road - the one that get's me to my ultimate destination, right on time.

They're Everywhere

2009-04-21T08:00:00.001-04:00

If I had to describe yesterday in one word, it would be wet. It rained all day.

One of the byproducts of a spring rain is worms. They come out of the ground to, well, I don't know why, but they come out.

When I was a kid, I would spend at least a week at my grandma's. She lived on a lake and it was so much fun. I remember digging in her garden for worms and fishing with them. But somewhere along the way, my idea of worms changed. They are no longer a source of fun but a source of fear.

About 10 years ago on a rainy day, not not unlike yesterday, I got home, parked in the garage, closed the garage door and as I turned to walk into the house, I saw them. Hundreds (thousands in my head) of worms on the street, sidewalk, even on the porch (though at first I couldn't see that far). I was paralyzed. I started a conversation in my head trying to get my legs to start moving.

Now my fear wasn't because I thought the worms would harm me. The fear was that I would step on them. It wasn't because I thought I would kill them under my feet (but ewww), but that they would touch me. If I stepped on one, it would get on my shoe and follow me around. I'm so glad no one had a video camera on me because I got as high on my toes as I could and I quickly bobbed and weaved avoiding them as best I could (which was hard because there were so many). I know I stepped on some. Then I got to the door and I had to stop moving to unlock it. I was certain they were crawling on me. I get chills just thinking about it.

So yesterday, as I walked from my car to the office, they were there again. Not as many, but they were there and I avoided them as I do every time I see them. I was feeling anxiety and truthfully, sick to my stomach. I'm not sure where this irrational fear came from, but at least it's a source of entertainment for my family.

As I was thinking about how crazy this is, I was reminded that just like those worms (who are out to get me), temptation is all around. It's unavoidable. I'm going to step in it. It's going to come on harder and stronger when it's cloudy. The Son can't shine when clouds of sin are covering my life. Then I remember that I'm to keep my eyes on Jesus, not on the world around me. If I would have been looking at my destination instead of the path I was on, I would not have noticed the creepy worms. In the same way, if I keep my eyes focused on Jesus, whatever comes along the path will not harm me.

1 Corinthians 10:13: No temptation has siezed you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted he will also provide a way out so you can stand up under it.

There's always an escape. Even if it means throwing away your shoes after stepping on a few worms.

A Story for Claire

2009-04-15T00:01:00.003-04:00

Today is my friend Claire's birthday. This story is for her (we had story time before). And for me. And for you.

Once upon a time there was a beautiful girl who lived in a quaint village in a small log cabin near the river. She loved to walk along the river and ponder life and love and what the future would hold.

Because of her beauty, she won the favor of the King. He knew who she was even before she knew he existed. He was watching her from a distance and waiting for her to notice him. He couldn't take his eyes off of her.

One day, as she was taking a stroll along the river when she saw something out of the corner of her eye. She thought it was a man, but she wasn't sure. At first, she was frightened. She wondered if she should run away. But then, he was there. He was standing right in front of her and she couldn't move. She knew something was about to happen to her, but she was curiously not afraid of him.She recognized him as someone others called the King.

When she looked into his eyes, she could see the depths of her own heart staring back at her. She knew her own heart, and was certain that she recognized it as her own, but it looked... different. Somehow, more peaceful than she had remembered. She looked away from him and looked into her own heart and saw the darkness, the despair, the fears and the shame of her life. He put his hand on hers. It felt strange. She looked down and saw that it was bleeding. He was bleeding and his blood was on her hand. She wanted to pull away from him, to run, but something held her there. It was his eyes. Those eyes. She remembered moments ago looking into those amazing eyes so she turned her gaze back to them. In those eyes, she again saw her own heart, covered in the same blood that was on her hand. She soon realized that she was not seeing herself as if she were looking in a mirror, where all of her faults were revealed. No, this reflection was different. This was washed in blood... his blood... and in the depths of his eyes she saw her heart like it was new. She saw freedom. She saw peace. She saw rest for her soul. She saw beauty in herself for the first time. She knew, somehow, in the presence of this King, that she was loved.

God bless you, Miss Claire!

See His Love

2009-04-10T19:09:00.001-04:00

I'm so unworthy of this kind of love. I'm so thankful he gave anyway. Such love is this for me.

Again I Say Rejoice!

2009-03-27T08:26:00.002-04:00

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
Philippians 4:4

Just finished listening to Francis Chan's most recent message, Living With Joy. Once again, he kicked me in the head.

He pointed out that Philippians 4:4 is a command. And because it's a command, it makes it a sin not to do it.

Ouch.

I've never looked at it that way. Notice that it says always. I'm no Bible scholar, but I think that means always, all the time, without ceasing, in all circumstances, in everything you do, in everything that is done to you, in good times, in bad times, while celebrating, while mourning, always.

I don't do that. I rejoice when I remember I should. Or when I read Philippians 4. Or when things are going really good. I have to remind myself often that rejoicing has nothing to do with how I feel or my circumstances. I know that. I just don't put it into practice. I'm not sure I know how.

As I fall on my face once again before my God, I am reminded of His loving mercy, that's new every morning. As he picks me up and wipes my tears, I know I can truly rejoice in Him. Another reminder that this life I lead is not about me. It never was. It never will be.

The Narrow Gate

2009-03-22T15:31:00.003-04:00

I've been reading through the book of Matthew as part of Pete Wilson's 28 Day Challenge, which was spurred on by his series, Backseat Jesus. I extended the challenge to my on-line life group and one of my highlights each day is reading everyone's thoughts on that day's chapter.

Today's reading was Matthew 7. While the chapter is full of rich delicious goodness, one section jumped out at me in a new way.

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road the leads to life, and only a few find it.

Now this isn't really new revelation, but it occurred to me that the road is so narrow that there is only room for one person to walk it at a time. I can't take anyone with me, nor can I go with another. I can't take anything with me, because there would not be enough room for me and my stuff, not only on the road but crossing through the narrow gate.

I'm not saying that we don't need each other. WE DO! I love being able to go along this journey with other people - learning from, loving and encouraging each other along the way. In fact, I wouldn't be as far along on the road as I am were it not for other believers. But in the end, the journey is personal, between me and my Savior, and no one can get me to the gate, and no one can keep me from getting there... except me.

World Water Day

2009-03-22T00:35:00.002-04:00

In 1992, the United Nations designated March 22nd as World Water Day. They wanted to highlight and raise awareness about the global water and sanitation crisis affecting the planet.

**********

One billion people on the planet don't have access to clean, safe drinking water. 2.6 billion people lack adequate sanitation, specifically a toilet.

**********

I Survived Week One

2009-03-08T08:41:00.001-04:00

A week ago I started this. It's been easier than I thought it would be. I usually drink a lot of Diet Coke. Giving it up hasn't been that hard and praise God I didn't have any headaches. I have been getting tired in the afternoon, I'm sure because I'm used to the caffeine.

The thing I have noticed though, is I miss flavor. I find myself looking for something to snack on because I want to taste something. Water doesn't really taste like anything. I have to keep reminding myself that some drink water that does have a flavor, and not a pleasant one.

I know this struggle will get better and by the end of the 40 days water will be a natural beverage for me.

Story Time with Claire

2009-03-07T04:03:00.004-05:00

Earlier this week, a friend of mine, Claire, was sick. Really sick. Go home and lay in bed for 30-some hours sick. I'm sure it was awful for her. We met here. She lives here. Because of the 5 hour time difference, we don't talk often, but it's a lot of fun when we get to chat through Facebook.

So after she had been in bed for like 34 hours, she was feeling better and was not sleepy so we had a nice chat. Near the end of our conversation, it was like 3 AM for her and she was not tired, but knew she should get some rest. I'm not sure who suggested it first, but we decided I should tell her a story. The following is the result. Enjoy.

Once upon a time...

(claire:yeah)

...there was a beautiful princess named Claire...

(claire:thats my name)

(me:yes it is..)

She lived with her dog named ...???

(claire:charlie)

Charlie.
He was her greatest companion.

One day, they were out taking a run and stopped to smell the flowers in the park.

(claire:I love flowers)

While they were there, a young man saw the princess and immediately fell in love.

...but there was a problem

(claire:what ?)

he didn't like dogs.

(claire:noooooooooooooo)

(claire:thats sad)

(claire: :(:( )

So she left him behind and went on her way.

(claire:lol)

The next day, she and Charlie went to the beach.
They spent the day running and playing in the water...

(claire:hope it was sunny)

...and getting some sun.

(me:it was)

Another young man saw her and immediately fell in love.

(me:she was very beautiful... did I mention that?)

(claire:lol)

(claire: :):)

He asked if he could buy her a cup of tea. She agreed.

They talked for hours until she realized the time and had to get home.

(claire: :(:(

the royal ball was approaching and she had to get ready.

(claire:yipee)

At the ball... everything was perfect...

....the music. There was dancing
and charlie was even there joining in the fun.

THEN... the young man from the beach walked in...

He asked her to dance.

(claire:wow)

They danced all night...

...and talked

   ...and walked

      ...and held hands

         ...and fell in love

(claire:ooooo)

They wanted to get married,
so her father gave them his blessing.

She was so very happy
and charlie had a great time with his family.

And they lived happily ever after.

The End

(claire: :):)

(claire:ahhhhhhhhhh)

(claire:thats a lovely story)

(me:js)
(note: my fingers were on the wrong keys)

(me:ha)
(note: this is what I tried to type before)

(claire:Publish it)

(me:ha)
(claire:!)

(claire:put it on your blogg)

(claire:lol)

(me:that would be funny)

(claire:thanks that story was fab)

(claire:do you want me to tell you one now?)
(me:oh yes! that would be lovely!)
(note: I'm not sure exactly how those last two went, but you get the idea)

Once upon a time there was an amazing lady called Karen
who worked very hard.

(me:that's my name)

And she was a very very nice lady.

(claire:its your name yep)

One day she was walking through the park
...past the trees
...near the lake

(me:ooohhh)

And she saw a beautiful white unicorn

(claire:now we know these are pretend
but for the purposes of the story they are real OK.
the unicorn could talk and everything)

The one thing the unicorn could do was encourage people.
And the unicorn reminded Karen that she was amazing
and that she had a lot of talents
and she had so much to give...

...which was nice.

Anyway the unicorn run off into the hills
and Karen sat pondering ...

And all of a sudden

out of no where

(me:ooh... i like this...)

came a little dog.....

...with a patch on his eye

(me:aww)

And a journal under its arm...

(claire:kidding)
(note: this should be explained.
i shared with claire how i've never
been good at journaling.
See, she's funny)

(me:haha)

Came a little dog.....with a little name tag that said...

To whom this may concern,
Please look after this dog for me.

I have left you a million dollars under
the 3rd tree next to the green shed by the lake

Please look after him well.

You can call him any name you want.
I know you will do a good job.

(me:wow)

So Karen looked at the mutt and said I will name you...

(me:Jack)

Karen and Jack were very happy together;
and they ran and played
and Karen laughed a lot
and Jack loved being with Karen.

It was amazing

One day, Karen was in her lounge eating some fudge
when there was a knock at the door.

KNOCK KNOCK

'Who can this be?'
Karen was puzzled...
... Jack was excited!

Karen opened the door
and guess what?

....

(me:ooh.. tell me tell me)

There was a dashing young man... about Karen's age
standing there in a suit
looking all chipper
and very kind indeed.

Well,
they both looked into each others eyes.

It was love at first site!

He only came to read the gas meter.

She gave him a piece of fudge the rest is history.

They got married.

Went to church.

Had a beach and...

....lived happily ever after!

(me:ooohhhh)

(me:yay!!!
i loved my story!)

(claire: :):)

(me:that was great!)

(me:(note for later...
unicorns are mentioned in the king james bible -
translated wild ox in the NIV))

(claire:ohhhhhhhhhh)

(me:isn't that weird?)
(claire:yeah
wow)

(me:i only know that because a friend of mine
is memorizing scripture from the KJV
and one of them said unicorn
so I had to look it up)

(claire:wow)

(me:anyway
that was an awesome story, claire
thank you)

(claire:I enjoyed it
it was lots of fun
I loved both of the stories)

(claire:equally)

(me:I might have to put them both on my blog)

(me: :):)
(claire:lol

do do

its fab)

(note: from here, the coversation
went to the fact that I lost the first part of her
story to me. It was no longer in my chat window.
But Claire came to the rescue and sent it to me.
Yay!)

All punctuation was added by me, since, well, the stories were told in a chat window where punctuation just isn't important.

The Fall of Sodom

2009-02-28T18:44:00.000-05:00

When you think of Sodom and Gomorrah, what's the first thing that comes to mind? It's OK to say it. God destroyed them because of rampant sexual sin, right? I always thought that, until I read this:

Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy. Ezekiel 16:49

God's wrath wasn't because of their actions (which were sin), but because of the condition of their hearts. Their selfishness and lack of compassion ultimately led to their demise.

This has really been messing me up lately. What is the condition of my heart? Am I any better than the people of Sodom? Are you?

He's only 5?

2009-02-26T06:59:00.001-05:00

What an inspiring story. I'm wondering, what do you want for your birthday?

More Than Enough

2009-02-24T20:10:00.003-05:00

A couple of weeks ago, an apartment building caught fire in town and 15 families lost basically everything they own. The next morning, we saw something amazing.

This community came together like I've never seen before. People were buying groceries and taking clothes and furniture and dishes and small appliances and gift cards to the apartment complex. They converted the clubhouse into what looked like a huge flea market, but the stuff wasn't for sale - all donated by the community. Don't get me wrong, there was some not-so-nice stuff there. But for the most part, decent items were donated. Some even went and bought items, like 15 toasters. It was pretty amazing to watch love in action. People donated so generously that the apartment managers asked that people stop donating!

Kind of reminded me of this story. I love it when the Word of God comes to life.

Thirsty?

2009-02-21T15:16:00.003-05:00

40 Days.

Drinking nothing but water.

Here's how it works:

Choose to make water your only beverage for 40 Days between March 1 & April 9 to help Blood:Water Mission provide clean water for people in Africa who don’t have a choice.

By giving up what you’d normally drink in exchange for the water from your tap you can save that money to help build clean water projects for African communities in need.

So ditch the morning coffee and o.j., leave out the lunchtime soda, and cancel the evening beverage. You won’t need an ark for this 40 Days of Water, but you will need a little self-discipline. But you can do it, because you know who you’re doing it for. Make the choice.

Beauty

2009-02-21T08:22:00.001-05:00

What would happen if instead of looking for beauty in life we actually brought beauty to life? ~Erwin McManus

Twitter

2009-02-15T07:58:00.000-05:00

Last fall, I started using Twitter again. I had used it previously, but didn't really get the hang of it, and wasn't really meeting people. Anyway, before the election I heard about an event that Carlos Whittaker was hosting on his blog. In reading about it, I discovered people were talking about it via Twitter. So I signed up again. Later that year, I saw a tweet (that's what you do when you twitter) saying to check out LifeChurch.tv's Internet Campus. I wasn't doing anything else, so I did. It was cool. Didn't think much of it at the time. I listen to the podcast from LifeChurch every week, so it was kind of interesting to see it live (although not really live at the time, but recorded live). Then I started seeing other people talk about it, so I went back.

I have to tell you - this has been an amazing journey. I've met people from all over the place through Twitter and the internet campus, joined an online LifeGroup, met new people on Facebook, and built relationships I never would have if it were not for a little tool called Twitter. Don't know what it is? Check this out:

A Different Kind of Love

2009-02-14T17:09:00.001-05:00

I don't celebrate Valentine's Day. I've never really liked it. As a kid, I always hated having to fill out a valentine for every kid in my class, even if I didn't really like them. I hated that it seemed like every kid gave me a valentine because they had to, not because they wanted to. It felt forced. I might feel differently as an adult, if I were married or dating, but I don't think so.

As many holidays in America, Valentine's Day has become a spending frenzy, trying to get the perfect gift that has to be better than last year's. I realize not everyone approaches this day like that, but many do.

This day is supposed to be about love. The problem is, we think love is just a feeling. We throw the word around like it has no meaning. This week, I have experienced a different kind of love.

I saw people coming together to support a family with a missing relative. I saw a community pour out love on families who lost everything in a fire. This is the kind of love that lasts. This is how love is expressed in tangible ways. This is how we can truly be the hands and feet of Jesus.

The thing that's getting to me is... why don't we live like this every day? Why does the best in us only come out when people are hurting?

Matthew 25:34-46
"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'

"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'

"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'

"Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."

Out of my Routine

2009-02-03T22:50:00.000-05:00

I've realized that I like boring. I like routine. I like doing the same things over and over again. OK. Maybe I didn't just realize that today. I think I've known it for a long time. The thing is...

I

don't

like

it

I don't like that I am OK with monotony. With routine. Jesus didn't ask His disciples to keep on doing what they were doing. He said "follow me".

I had jury duty today. No case so I didn't have to stay long. I worked from home for a bit in the morning then went to court and came home to work a bit more. I hated it. I didn't like not being around people (well, familiar people). I didn't like not being in my office. And the only reason I have is because it's... different.

At the heart of it, though, I want to be different. I want things in my life to be different. I don't like mundane. I don't like repeats. But I keep choosing it.

I want to be at the point where nothing is the same from one day to the next, and I want to embrace the new experience. I want to live a life with so much faith that before I even know the direction of my next step my foot is up and He is putting it in place.

God, I don't want to be comfortable in my routine. Let's shake it up!

My not so funny valentine

2009-02-03T22:41:00.000-05:00

Laughter is Contagious

2009-02-02T05:41:00.001-05:00

This video is so cute!

A picture is worth...

2009-01-24T07:32:00.000-05:00

You have to go here and check out this picture. Zoom in and let it refresh. Amazing clarity. Find something interesting?

A Different Kind of Change

2009-01-23T23:04:00.000-05:00

Love this message that Jenna and Barbara Bush left for Sasha and Malia Obama, reminding them to "Remember who their dad really is".

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

The Irresistible Revolution

2009-01-21T06:27:00.000-05:00

I'm reading "The Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne. It's pretty much turning me inside out. Here are a few quotes that have my mind swimming, and I'm only half way through:

Sometimes we speak to change the world; other times we speak to keep the world from changing us.
We try to make the world safe, knowing that the world will never be safe as long as millions live in poverty so the few can live as they wish.
We give people fish. We teach them to fish. We tear down the walls that have been built up around the fish pond. And we figure out who polluted it.
The people who have changed the world have always been the risk-takers who climb through windows while the rest of the world just walks in and out of doors.

There are plenty of people who are miserable in their jobs, for they have not listened to God's call. And I would add there are many Christians who are not fulfilled in their spiritual lives because they have no sense of their gifts or purpose, and they just run to the mission field to save souls rather than transform lives and communities using their gifts and those of the people they live among. Both lead to emptiness and burnout.

We've got to unite ourselves as one body. Because Jesus is coming back, and he's coming back for a bride, not a harem.

It's like in community when the toilet floods, which happens when you have a dozen people sharing one toilet. When it starts to pour out water, you don't just start cleaning up the mess. You also have to shut off the water that is causing the flood. That's the sort of thing that requires working together and the humility of admitting that we can do together what we cannot do alone.

I don't agree with everything he says, but wow, am I being challenged!

How would Jesus work?

2009-01-20T06:38:00.000-05:00

What would happen if Jesus took your place for a year in your workplace? Consider some hypothetical things that He might do.

He would do His work with excellence. He would be known around the office for the great work He did (Exodus 31:2).
He would develop new ideas for doing things better (Eph 3:20).
He would hang out with sinners in order to develop a relationship with them in order to speak to them about the Father (Mt 9:12).
He would strategically pray for each worker about their concerns and their needs. He would pray for those who even disliked Him (Mt 5:44).
He would rally the office to support a needy family during Christmas (Jer 22:16).
He would offer to pray for those who were sick in the office and see them get healed (Mt 14:14).
He would honor the boss and respect him/her (Titus 2:9).
He would consider the boss as His authority in His workplace (Rom 13:1).
He would be truthful in all his dealings and never exaggerate for the sake of advancement ( Ps 15:2).
He would be concerned about His city (Lk 19:41).
He would always have a motive to help others become successful, even at his own expense (Pr 16:2).

Inauguration Day

2009-01-20T04:58:00.000-05:00

Here it is. Inauguration Day. I don't remember so much hype in any other inauguration. Disputes about who's going to pray have made this day almost as much of a relief as election day. I can't wait for the madness to stop.

Even so, today is historical. Whether you believe Obama will be a good or a bad president for what ever reason you believe it, he will be sworn in today as President of the United States. It should be an historic event, regardless of who is standing there, but today, it's Obama, and for some reason that causes controversy. It's our responsibility to respect him and to pray for him daily.

As a Christ follower, I have done a lousy job of praying for our Presidents in the past. Today starts a new trend. Regardless of the position, those in leadership need to have God's hand on them. So today, we should pray for all leaders in our lives, from those close to us to those out of our reach: husbands, pastors, elected officials, and yes, that includes the president. I would rather pray for a man who is about to embark on the hardest job of his life than cut him down because of mistakes (he will make them), decisions I don't agree with, or the color of his skin. He could be purple with green spots and it wouldn't change the fact that he needs to be lifted in prayer every day.

I'll be glad when today is over and we get back to life as normal. We have a new president. We serve the same God we served yesterday. He is in as much control today as he was yesterday. He will be in control tomorrow.

MLK Quote

2009-01-19T05:28:00.000-05:00

“If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the host of heaven will pause to say, 'There lived a great street sweeper who did his job well'."

wonderful, beautiful, glorious, matchless

2009-01-11T14:13:00.000-05:00

Just four words that rocked my world this morning.

If God really is all those things, why do I seek anything else? If I truly believed it with all of my being, wouldn't I live differently? Shouldn't I be living differently?

wow

2009-01-08T08:47:00.001-05:00

I have a name
You can know it
It's been a while since anybody asked

I love to laugh
Like you do
And my family also means the world to me

As you choose what to wear, remember I fight to stay warm
As you decide where to eat, it's my children who mourn

You have a life
I understand
God has blessed you so enjoy what He has given

Your hurts are real
As mine are
Possessions never shield a life from earthly pain

As you consider your life, would you think about mine?
As you remember my tears, maybe yours disappear.

Think of me
Let me live in your mind
Keep loving me
While others play blind

Show true religion
'Cause words don't relieve
Your actions, they heal me
Show that you believe

Think of me

I thought of the lyrics above when I read this post by Anne Jackson who actually knows Kristi. I wonder if I could love like that. I don't think any of us really know what we have in us until we are put to the test. I pray that God would help me step out of me to be used by Him.

Back to Normal

2009-01-05T06:05:00.000-05:00

Today is the day things get back to normal. Hopefully, a different kind of normal. It's back to work on a regular schedule, which I have realized is something I need. I didn't think I did, but I go crazy if I don't have something to do.

Our way or His Way?

2009-01-03T18:58:00.000-05:00

Don't you just love it when God has a better plan than you? Check this out.

Another Day Off?

2009-01-02T06:00:00.000-05:00

I think there must be something wrong with me. I do not like having a day off of work.

It's not because I love my job (because I don't) and it's not because I feel so loved at the office (because I don't). It's because I can't stand having nothing to do. I don't know how to be still, relax and enjoy time off.

What's wrong with me?

2009 Plans

2009-01-01T14:11:00.000-05:00

Putting together some plans for 2009. Here are some things I want to do:

Participate in at least one mission trip
Get involved serving in an on-line ministry
Read the entire Bible: Going to enlist the help of http://youversion.com/one-year-bible. I wish it had a few more features, but I'm going to make it work. You can follow my progress at http://youversion.com/user/byrkar
Write more often
Switch to a mac

Just a few thoughts.

Let it Snow!

2008-12-20T17:23:00.000-05:00

We have a lot of snow on the ground, and more is on the way. The good thing about Michigan is having a 6-12 inches of snow doesn't shut us down. Sure - some people end up in ditches and on the wrong side of the road, but for the most part, we just go about our business. And snow is beautiful. It is so completely white. At least until we get involved.

As I was driving in the storm yesterday morning, I thought of something. When snow falls, we immediately run around trying to get it out of our way. We need to get somewhere, so we move the beautiful, pure, white snow out of the way. We push it aside because it's in our way.

Isn't that what we do with the blood of Jesus? It's the most beautiful, pure and innocent thing I know of, yet when I want my own way, I tend to push it aside so I can get where I want to go, forgetting the beauty. Things that are beautiful tend to lose their appeal when they are in my way.